The RhodesTer Chronicles | sweet, succulent satire

That’s right. I, Rhodester, have gone out and got myself a job.

It’s not much of a job. It’s very part-time and seasonal. This is because it’s working as a staff member for games at one of the local universities and the games are part-time and seasonal.

I’m taking tickets, checking bags and making sure the people in attendance are having a good time and staying safe.

You know how you go to a game and see people standing around who have jackets that say “Event Staff” or something along that line?

That’s me now.

I can’t tell you which university because of that whole “blogging about your work” thing, and fortunately, there are enough universities here in San Francisco to keep you guessing.

Plus I might accidentally say something really stupid about another staff member, coach or a kid on one of the teams, so not only am I not going to tell you which school it is, I’m going to change all the names, but the stories will be true.

All of my stories are!

But I’ll just call it “Schlafoogleberg University.”

Yesterday I was at the first game, which was women’s soccer. My Irish friend Grandad at headrambles would call it “Football” but he’s wrong about that, which is why they don’t hire any Irish people for event staff.

Lord knows we want to be accurate here, and not give things inappropriate names.

I’ve never paid any attention to women’s soccer before, but yesterday I had to. I had no idea these young ladies were so tough! Seriously, they kick-ass!

I saw these two girls, Britney and Abigail, rush each other at high speed and take a flying leap at the ball, only to land in a twisted heap of cute.

Lines like that are why I have to call it Schlafoogleberg University and why I changed their names from Suzie and Chrissy to Britney and Abigail.

Suzie and Chrissy are even fake names. I changed them twice, to be extra careful.

They’re really Sandra and Lisa.

Fake. I’ve changed them three times so far.

Of course, if I tell you that Schlafoogleberg won last night and they have another game tomorrow, you can probably go on the internet (hey, you’re there already!) and extrapolate which women’s soccer team won on Friday and has another game on Sunday, and who Britney/Abigail/Suzie/Chrissy/Sandra/Lisa REALLY are.

But you really don’t care that much, do you?

Besides, the whole point of this post is to tell you that someone actually hired me for something.

This hasn’t happened in almost two years.

It’s like I’ve been under a curse because every job I’ve applied for since being laid-off in late 2008 has been a bust. I’ve had a total of three actual interviews in that time, the rest don’t even call.

I don’t know if I should blame the recession or stop wearing tutus to job interviews, but getting this is a start. It’s a real boost to the ego. It’s a fist-bump that tells me I’m okay after all and that I’m still worth something, and that someone is willing to take a chance on me and even pay me for standing around, albeit not in a tutu, because it turns out they don’t allow that at Schlafoogleberg University soccer games.

When I showed up yesterday, I had to change into slacks and a blue “Event Staff” jacket but the boss was nice enough to let me hang my tutu in the locker room until it was all over.

I go back tomorrow for another game, where the Schlafoogleberg SeaMonkeys are going to be playing the Ohio Boogers.

I changed the name of the opposing team too.

They’re really the Gulf Coast Oilers.

Not.

I’m hoping the SeaMonkeys win again, because I like seeing college girls really happy. The girls on the other team weren’t that happy but they just went back to Wisconsin, so we didn’t have to deal with them.

Okay, Texas.

Idaho?

Heh.