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Gag Gifts From Stupid.com

This is a brand new endeavor here at The RhodesTer Chronicles.

Now, we don’t want you to go thinking that RhodesTer needs money or anything, just because this is all affiliate advertising. The truth is, RhodesTer is selflessly looking out for YOU and YOUR best interests.

He just wants you to be happy.

So every week, starting today, he’s going to endeavor to show you things that will make you happy.

Like “Alien Golf Balls.”

And “Candy Animal Teeth.”

And even an “Exploding Toilet Seat.”

FUN!

Next week it might be ladies lingerie, which will make both you AND RhodesTer happy. And the week after that, a full selection of electronic cigarettes that are guaranteed to kill you less faster than regular cigarettes, plus they look cooler, last longer and will possibly help you pick up chicks.

But this week it’s stupid gifts from our stupid friends at Stupid.Com

We know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “How appropriate for this blog.”

Wise-acre!

Sure, RhodesTer will make a little cashola on the side if you order something from these links. But chances are he’s going to turn right around and spend it on his very own set of alien golf balls or candy animal teeth.

So go ahead – be adventurous and order some “Butt Soap” for your mom – we dare you!


2 Carat Cup

Price: 14.99

To DON’T Note Pad

Price: 6.99

3D Drawing Pad

Price: 8.29

Sigmund Freud Watch

Price: 29.99

6-Pack Soda CANdy

Price: 2.59

Grow Your Own 6-Pack

Price: 6.95

8 Ball Keychain

Price: 2.50

Glow in the Dark Nail Polish

Price: 4.29

Accept the Fact that You’re Aging Spray

Price: 5.99

Soup Kitchen All-Access Pass

Price: 3.95

Devil Duckie

Price: 5.49

Gnarly Teeth — Phony Teeth Collection

Price: 5.99

Ass Kickin’ Hot Sauce Mini Set

Price: 8.59

Aggravation Keychain

Price: 3.50

Barrel of Monkeys Keychain

Price: 3.00

Candyland Game Keychain

Price: 3.29

Obie Key Chain

Price: 4.99

Operation Keychain

Price: 8.50

Pregnant Woman Keychain

Price: 4.99

Don’t Spill The Beans Keychain

Price: 3.29

Twister Keychain

Price: 3.29

Alien Golf Balls

Price: 11.29

Answer Me Buddha

Price: 19.79

American Hydrant Book

Price: 3.99

Candy Animal Teeth

Price: 1.99

The Anthem Ball

Price: 19.99

Car Antenna Friendz

Price: 8.50

Ant Candy — Made With Real ants

Price: 2.99

Ashes of Problem Employees Ceramic Urn

Price: 6.50

Quad Cam Camera

Price: 12.79

Gummi Army Guys

Price: 1.99

Van Gogh Art Kit

Price: 8.99

Arouzer Pill Squeeze Ball

Price: 4.99

Ass Blaster Hot Sauce

Price: 12.99

Atari Joystick Keychain

Price: 19.99

The MadHatter’s Hat

Price: 25.00

Kid’s White Rabbit Hat

Price: 20.00

Baa Humbug! – Pooping Sheep Candy

Price: 4.99

Bacon Gumballs

Price: 4.99

Bacon Tape

Price: 5.99

Bacon Watch

Price: 24.99

Bacon Strips Adhesive Bandages

Price: 4.95

Bad Movie Night: DVD with Candy

Price: 9.65

Bakugan Game Piece Keychain

Price: 3.99

Banana Costume (Size Adult)

Price: 38.99

Bang! Toilet Seat

Price: 2.99

Barbed Wire Toilet Paper

Price: 6.99

Blushing Bride Head Clinger

Price: 10.99

Baby Devil Duckies

Price: 5.79

Baby Doll Betty Costume

Price: 48.47

Bendable Keyboard

Price: 9.00

Beer Bottle Opener Ring – Pkg. of 2

Price: 5.99

Basketball Pencil Sharpener

Price: 2.99

Belly Bugs Candy – Yech!

Price: 1.99

Seriously Bad Baby Names Book

Price: 9.95

Flourescent Hair Spray – Blacklight Reactive

Price: 3.99

BoneChillers – Skull + Bones Ice Cube Tray

Price: 4.99

Backwards Watch

Price: 29.99

Biological Clock

Price: 16.29

Bug City

Price: 2.29

How To Get Into Debt Book

Price: 9.95

Big Daddy Driver – Weed Whacking Golf Glub

Price: 39.99

How To Have An Ill-Behaved Dog

Price: 10.99

How To Drive Like A Maniac Book

Price: 9.95

Blacklight Body Paint 6-Pack

Price: 17.50

TimeBeam Laser Time Pointer

Price: 7.99

Desktop Beach Set

Price: 11.99

Belching Beer Pager

Price: 18.99

Bacon & Eggs Bandages

Price: 4.99

How to Get Fat Book

Price: 9.95

Bacon Beans – Bacon Flavored Jelly Beans

Price: 5.99

Bacon Flavored Toothpicks

Price: 4.99

Mini Zen Water Fountain

Price: 4.00

Butt / Face Soap

Price: 4.95

Backgammon Keychain

Price: 5.99

World’s Biggest Underpants

Price: 14.99

Biohazard Toilet Paper

Price: 6.79

Basket Case Game

Price: 9.99

Checkers Keychain

Price: 3.29

Complete Manual of Things That Might Kill You

Price: 17.95

Mr. Potato Head Keychain

Price: 5.99

Quacking Duck Keychain

Price: 3.99

Barbie Keychains – Set of 2

Price: 8.99

Paper Shredder Scissors

Price: 9.99

Glow in the dark Finger Paint

Price: 13.99

Blacklight Hair Spray

Price: 4.99

Believe In God Instantly Spray

Price: 5.99

Bomb Bags

Price: 1.99

Horrified B-Movie Victims Set

Price: 11.99

Remote Control Bumper Cars

Price: 28.97

Mr. Mouthy Mouth

Price: 7.59

** Barack Obama Action Figure **

Price: 9.99

Talking Obama Dashboard Driver

Price: 17.99

Barack Obama Bobble Head Doll

Price: 17.99

Boo Boo Kisses Adhesive Bandages

Price: 4.99

3 Stooges Golf Sign

Price: 14.99

Gummi BooBoos

Price: 2.99

Bean Boozled – Disgusting Candy Game

Price: 2.99

Barack Obama Pocket Watch

Price: 15.99

Boxing Promoter Wig

Price: 11.99

Check out lots more zany stuff from the wackadoodles at..

Gag Gifts From Stupid.com

RhodesTer on Twitter/Facebook/Subscribe to this mess

{ 2 comments }

hands-of-time-by-janesdead-on-flickrToday I turned fifty.

I’m not sure how that happened. I’m not sure where the years went.

Oh, I know.. I’m not old. Not by a long shot. At least subjectively, because coffeesister’s granddad is almost ninety and he calls me a “kid.” On the other hand, real kids – as in the MySpace Generation – think I’m older than dirt. It’s an interesting dichotomy; I’m right in-between “a cute guy” and “what a cute little old man.”

Speaking of coffeesister, today she’s doting on me like an old mother hen. This happens every June 9th. Then, when October 12th rolls around – which ironically happens to also be my mother’s birthday – she can’t lift a finger.

That’s how we roll. We roll for each other.

It works really well, too.

With all of this stuff I’m not allowed to do, I have a lot of time for reflection. I think back over the years and watch as the good times dance with the bad, making for a macabre sort of waltz that lays my life out in front of me, spinning, twirling and swaying until it comes to a grinding halt at my feet as if to say, “Now what?”

Now what? I’m not sure. I’d say that’s the problem, but is it? Man is God’s comic, making all those plans just to hear him laugh. Yes, that’s a paraphrase of a really good quote – but I not only agree with it, I’ve proven it.

When I was seventeen, it was a very good year. It was a very good year for small town girls and soft summer nights. We’d hide from the lights, on the village green.. when I was seventeen.

When I was seventeen I enlisted in the Navy. College was not an option, so I hoped for at least four years of education, travel and growth. I didn’t know what I’d become, but it had to be better than small town girls and soft summer nights. I wanted adventure. I got it.

When I was twenty-one, it was a very good year. It was a very good year for city girls who lived up the stair. With all  that perfumed hair, and it came undone.. when I was twenty-one.

When I was twenty-one I could hardly wait to get out of the Navy and man, it could not come soon enough! I’d be free again, to enjoy those small-town girls and soft summer nights. How I missed them.

When I was thirty-five, it was a very good year. It was a very good year for blue-blooded girls, of independent means. We’d ride in limousines, their chauffeurs would drive.. when I was thirty-five.

When I was thirty-five I had several careers behind me.. none of which seemed to pan out. But it wasn’t about career. It wasn’t about any one thing in particular. It was slowly becoming about life, and just living it.

But now the days grow short; Im in the autumn of the year. And now I think of my life as vintage wine, from fine old kegs. From the brim to the dregs, it poured sweet and clear. It was a very good year.

I’m not in the autumn yet. I’m enjoying the waning days of summer, as the cool breezes waft in. They smell delicious, and though I sometimes think of what my life was like in the spring, I know that the seasons have changed – not for the worse or for the better – they’ve just changed, and it’s up to me to make of them what I will.

For those of you in the early spring, take it from a late-summer man; it all flows madly by like a rushing stream. Memories of long ago are only an arm’s length away, right at your grasp, because they only happened yesterday. That bike ride, that first kiss, that time you went with them to that place and you all did that thing.. it all just happened yesterday, and tomorrow you will be ready to shuffle off that mortal coil. Knowing the fickle nature of fate as I do, I may shed mine today.. or in another fifty years.

A few years ago, an old friend of mine chided me by saying that he didn’t think I was where I’m supposed to be in life. He said that I hadn’t progressed enough, and that I needed to make up for lost time. In answer to that, let me take a quick inventory..

  • A woman who loves me, and I love her – check.
  • A place to live, with food in the pantry – check.
  • Two little kitties who also love me – check.
  • True friends, who don’t care whether I’m rich or poor – check.
  • I’m fairly healthy – check.
  • Air to breathe – check. Music to hear – check. Beauty to see – check.
  • Broadband Internet Connection – check.

I’m afraid I have to disagree with my old friend. I’m doing okay, and I can’t even begin to tell you how wonderful the air smells as summer fades and the fall colors start to shine.

It’s a very good year.

the-perfect-place-to-take-a-book-by-brian-hathcock-on-flickr

“It was a very good year” was composed by
Evin Drake and recorded by Frank Sinatra

COMMENT of the day..
Hi Davy,
I hope the Dave 5.0 build is the best yet!

Cheers, Triana

RhodesTer on Twitter/Facebook/Subscribe to this mess

{ 21 comments }

Guess WHAT?

October 12, 2008

She’s 40 today, that girl of mine.

The one I married. The one who married me.

Yeah, that one.
FORTY.
She was 20 when I met her.
TWENTY.
I remember her first legal drink.

It was her 21st birthday. We were with her grandparents, and they made a big deal of buying her a drink in a restaurant.
The waitress carded [...]

6 comments Read the REST..