asTute observaTions

by RhodesTer on May 7, 2009

in Humor/Satire, The BEST of tRc

malteseYesterday, coffeesister and I went to downtown Palm Springs after we managed to dodge the Evil-Bank-Lady (YAY!) because they have this thing on Thursdays called a street faire, where they block off about ten blocks of the downtown area and people wander up and down looking at arts and crafts while eating really shitty food prepared in front of them by possibly not so hygienic people who are sweating in the desert heat over open grills at makeshift booths.

But we went into The Coffee Bean, partly because we really like the place, and partly because they have free wireless Internet and we love our Internet so much we just have to be online with you all even when surrounded by hordes of cool people and all those arts, crafts and sweaty food within such close proximity.

Actually, she stayed online for hours, staking out a little Coffee Bean table while I shut down my crappy laptop after a short while because it’s in such bad shape it makes you all seem fat and slow, and I know you don’t want to be like that. So I left it with her as I went outside and wandered around in the crowd. I even ate some tacos from one of those open grills and they made me sick. So yeah.

I returned to The Coffee Bean and ordered up an iced mocha to counteract the tacos, then I grabbed a chair on the outdoor patio to watch the fine young ladies endless parade of humanity shuffle by while coffeesister continued to keep you company in her dank little corner of merry isolation.

But in spite of so many fine young ladies humanities parading, I couldn’t help but notice that the old lady seated about five feet away from me had a little dog, which was a Maltese or something, and it was all fluffy and white and cute, and about the size of a fluffy white breadbox, but that’s not why I noticed it. I noticed it because she had it all dressed up. It wasn’t all foo-foo like, with a sweater and stuff like that which would have just been animal cruelty in that heat, but instead she had.. are you ready for this? No kidding.. sit down..

She had a tiny little saddle on it.

And seated on the the tiny little saddle was a tiny little Mexican in a sombrero.

But that’s not all.. the fluffy white dog was wearing a matching sombrero, and.. I’m not kidding here.. sunglasses. Yeah. They were strapped around the dog’s head, and the little shit made absolutely NO EFFORT to pull off the shades, sombrero, saddle or the tiny Mexican, who I think was made out of stuffed brown socks with dinky black buttons for eyes and a mustache that had been applied with black permanent marker.

I was kind of surprised at the fluffy little dog’s easy-going ‘tude, because I used to have larger, real dogs who didn’t like me putting sunglasses on them so they’d paw them off right away. I can’t imagine what they would have done with a tiny Mexican. They’re in heaven now but that has nothing to do with me dressing them, I swear, because I never got that far. It was just a long time ago and they grew old and died.

Of course, this whole get-up on the very patient and possibly stoned little Maltese doggie was an absolute hit with anyone who walked by, particularly if they had small children with them or if they’d been drinking, and a handful of people just had to stop and get a picture. I would have gotten a picture to post here but I don’t have a camera in my cell-phone, so you’ll just have to rely on the brilliantly executed word-pictures that I paint with such florish.

The lady kept telling everyone the dog’s name, which I’ve forgotten, so when there was a break in the humanity parade I took the opportunity to quench my curiosity and ask her the name of the little Mexican who was riding the dog. She looked at me like I must be freakin’ CRAZY, because after all.. WHAT KIND OF SANE PERSON WOULD NAME A LITTLE SOCK PUPPET, HUH?

So she just kind of shrugged and said, “I don’t really know, we haven’t named him” (she wanted to add, “you freakin’ TARD,” I just know she did) and as she stooped down to adjust the dog’s sombrero I said, “Well how about Dave? That’s my name.. we could call it DAVE.”

She didn’t even look up. “Sure, Craig will be fine.. whatever you say.”

With the sombrero adjusted,  saddle pulled tight and leash all leashed up, she gathered up her things along with her precarious puppy and shuffled off to parts unknown without so much as an adios to “Craig, the mumbling maniac with the iced mocha.”

I seriously need to get a camera phone.

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Lorna May 8, 2009 at 9:26 pm

I can’t believe you’re craving the very thing that would deprive us of your verbosity and wit.

Lorna´s brilliant babbling..PHOTOHUNTER -Theme – In Memory

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2 RhodesTer May 8, 2009 at 9:27 pm

So sweet. You don’t dress up your dog, do you?

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