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I LOVE my job I LOVE my job I LOVE my job X 1000

by RhodesTer on April 19, 2008

I’m NOT looking forward to going in for my hotel security shift tonight, due mainly to the fact that gay dudes and farmers generally don’t mix well.

Oh, the gay dudes don’t mind farmers, since they tend to eat fruits and vegetables.  I’m sure that deep down inside they appreciate the contribution farmers make to our health, economy and general well-being.  But I’ve observed over time that it’s the farmers who tend to take issue with boys who boink each other.. especially after a few drinks.  We have a HUGE group of farmers at the hotel who’ve been in Palm Springs for a farming convention.  Their meetings and social dinners are over, but a lot of them have opted to stay through the weekend because, hey.. it’s Palm Springs.. and it’s really nice here right now.

Today is also the first day of The White Party.. wherein thousands of gay dudes from all over the world flit to our lovely oasis to hang out, party and parade their pride for anyone who’ll watch.  Most of them are staying elsewhere, and none of the parties and events connected with them are being hosted at the hotel, but the ones who’ve chosen to stay with us will be rolling back in AFTER tonight’s parties and events, and the farmers will be there.

*sigh*

A few weeks ago, I barely got through “Dinah Shore Weekend” unscathed.. that’s the female version of The White Party, consisting of thousands of lesbians who converge on Palm Springs once a year for the same purpose of partying till they puke, which they did in our hallways a few times.  I even encountered one young lady running through the halls in her (quite lovely) birthday suit while her friends cheered her on.  When she saw me, she ducked into the housekeeping doorway and emerged with a “WET FLOOR” sign, which she held in front of her as she sheepishly returned to her room.  Hey, if she’s going to run through my halls in the buff at 3 in the morning, I’M not looking the other way.  The problem with “Dinah Weekend” was that someone in our group sales department decided that it’d be just fine and dandy to book a large group of older ladies, many of whom use walkers and canes to get around, at the same time we were to have drunken, hot lesbians swinging from the rafters.  I personally wouldn’t have minded if the entire hotel had been completely full of JUST the old ladies or JUST the lesbians, but NO..

I can’t tell you much, but I CAN tell you that a lot of those older ladies didn’t “take kindly to their shenanigans”.. but at least they didn’t pick fights with them because they would have gotten their little ‘ol asses kicked.  I almost got MY ass kicked by a few of the meaner ones.

Tonight I fully expect to have gay dudes running through the halls and whooping it up in the hot tubs outside at 3 in the morning, while a few pissed-off and “deeply offended” good ‘ol boys from America’s heartland decide to take action on it.. and I’m going to have to sort it all out.  Or maybe it’ll just be a nice, quiet evening and everyone will leave everyone else alone.

DISCLAIMER

- This BLOG, and RhodesTer himself, in no way either expressly condone or condemn the actions of homosexual males, homosexual females or farmers from the heartland of America and, as a security person and “manager on duty” working the night shift at a major hotel/resort, RhodesTer simply hopes that while all individuals enjoy the various forms of freedom of expression, speech and opinion guaranteed to them by our constitution, they don’t kill each other, or RhodesTer, or blow up, burn down or otherwise somehow destroy the hotel, which Rhodester is entrusted with the care of, in the process.

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Astor Chocolate

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Sunday Snapshots

by RhodesTer on April 6, 2008

Third Person Word Pictures From The Week

The hotel is back to normal, except that it’s “Dinah Shore Weekend” in Palm Springs, which means the place is overrun with crazy drunken lesbians, many of whom bear a close resemblance to an Abrams tank, while a few others are goddesses in flesh - most are right in between somewhere.  So, maybe the word “normal” is stretching it a bit.

RhodesTer encountered a certain number of the goddess-type swimming nude in the hotel pool at three in the  morning, and sent them to their rooms.  Later, a few others were discovered to be running nude in the hallway on the third level.

RhodesTer has decided that night duty during the Palm Springs season isn’t so bad after all and, as he related this sentiment to the night auditor, David, who’s been employed at the hotel for several years, David said, “just wait a few weeks until The White Party hits town.”  The White Party consists of thousands of gay dudes, with nigh a lesbian to be had – many of whom ALSO tend to run up and down the halls nude and go for moonlight swims sans clothing.

RhodesTer is now volunteering for day duty, but it can wait until Monday.

The hotel is also hosting a huge banquet and Palm Springs weekend for the sweet little old ladies of the VFW, most of whom are 70+ years of age.  As they shuffle down the halls with walkers and canes, the semi-nude crazy drunken lesbians zip by them, going in the opposite direction.  As RhodesTer wonders why in the heck the people in the sales office who book these groups don’t bother to check with each other on the DATES first, he keeps an eye out for the late Rod Serling, who’s bound to show up at any minute and stand in front of the camera, saying, “Two opposing worlds, put together in one hotel for the weekend.. nobody can escape and, as the worlds collide, one lone man is sent to oversee the interaction of the two.. THIS is the TWILIGHT ZONE.”

The black guy on the bus was an eclectic sort, wearing gunny sacks fashioned into pants, and beads everywhere; in his hair, all over his clothes and tied to his fingers.  He was skinny, and seemed nice – RhodesTer gave him directions, starting with which stop to disembark at and then which bus to catch to go where he was going.

The black guy at the deli in Ralph’s supermarket a few nights later was skinny, and had beads in his hair, clothing and tied to his fingers.  He didn’t have gunny sack pants, but his pants were made from some kind of strange, eclectic material.  His dreads frolicked over his forehead, just as they’d done when he was on the bus.  RhodesTer asked him if he’d found his destination okay a few days ago.  “What do you mean?” asked the bewildered, skinny, beaded and dreaded, eclectic black dude.  “I mean when I gave you directions on the bus the other day, did you find your way okay?” replied RhodesTer. “Man, I don’t ride no damn public buses,” the skinny, black, eclectic, beaded and dreaded dude snarled, before paying for his purchase and storming out of the store.  His curiosity peaked, RhodesTer walked to the store window and observed the black, beaded and dreaded, eclectic skinny dude getting into a Maserati and zooming away.

RhodesTer admits that if you’ve seen ONE skinny, dreaded and beaded, eclectic black dude in strange clothing, you’ve seen them ALL.

Speaking of Ralph’s supermarket, that tiny little Italian man who bags groceries there is as sweet as can be.  His name is Guilano, or Guimo, or Guliamo, or something, and heees eeenglish eeess notta sooo gud!  and he wears a pointy ski cap ALL OF THE TIME even though he’s in Palm Springs and skis are illegal here.  Guidiamo stands about five foot nothing, and he zips from one customer to the next, happily bagging their newly acquired belongings with a big old smile, while nodding and saying “Arrivederci!” as they depart.  RhodesTer spoke with him while departing the store, as Guido was sitting out front on a break, soaking in the sunshine.  Nothing of vast importance was said, beyond stilted pleasantries exchanged with a bit of effort on the part of both parties, but RhodesTer felt that his day had been made a bit better just by being around the tiny man for even a few moments.  His enthusiasm is contagious.

RhodesTer immediately went home and defrosted a lasagna.

Speaking of defrosting, the microwave blew up the other night, right in the middle of defrosting coffeesister’s dinner, so she’s been subsisting on cheese and crackers.  RhodesTer eats at the hotel while on shift, because he’s a big shot there and has the run of the kitchen.  The oven in the RhodesTer household makes too much smoke to be useful.. it sets off the smoke alarm EVERY TIME, causing the neighborhood dogs to howl.  RhodesTer was given a new microwave oven by a hotel valet, but it hasn’t been delivered yet.

CHEEEEEESE ANDDDD CRAAAAACKERSSSSSSS

THANK GOD the lesbians are all going home today – they kept RhodesTer running on Saturday night and, as fond as he is of the delightful young ladies, he won’t miss them one itty bitty bit.  He almost had to evict a few of them, which would have been very sad, but they quieted down and behaved themselves by the time the cops showed up, so they got to enjoy breakfast in bed after all.  Lucky lesbians!

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Astor Chocolate

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Tommy The Commie

April 4, 2008
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Tommy Smothers, aka “Tommy The Commie “, made my day.

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PUSH one two three BREATH one two three..

March 11, 2008

I have to go get certified in CPR later today.

This stands for Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation and, although I’ve been certified before, I have to go REcertify because I’ve forgotten how to do it and it’s a requirement in my current job.
It’s kind of like playing the lotto.  You can look at getting CPR certified as being [...]

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