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Search engine optimization

MORE Iranian hookers.. everywhere..

by RhodesTer on October 2, 2008

Okay, so I have to say that I am SO not down with this whole SEO thing (Sex Engine Orgasm) and I know I’ve ranted about it before, but my latest find not only takes the cake, but eats it too and then barfs it out later all over my nice new shoes.

See, I use Google Analytics to keep track of activity on this blog, and Google Analytics is the perfect snitch – it tells me anything I need to know.  I wish I’d had Google Analytics in high school, to keep track of girls.

But never mind that.  I’m just getting SO TIRED of horny morons looking for “Iranian Hookers” or whatever, and visiting my blog for about three seconds because I did a stupid post a few friggin’ months ago where I talked about two Iranian girls who were guests at the hotel where I work, who just happened to dress like hookers.

I see visits to that post every day.  They never last more than five seconds, because horny morons aren’t interested in humor, so once they realize they aren’t going to get pictures of Iranian hookers or phone numbers or instructions or something, they bounce, leaving behind stats on my Google Analytics.

Yesterday was the one that made me pull out a clump of my hair, and trust me.. I can’t afford to be doing that sort of thing at my age, and it hurt.  Someone had actually Googled the entire phrase, “sexy videos of prostitutes in short skirts” and Google somehow sent them to The RhodesTer Chronicles.

I decided to do a little investigating, so I typed that phrase into my own Google search window and you know what?  This blog came up SEVENTH on the list!  ABOVE the fold!



(NOTE- Since posting this, that same phrase now returns this blog in the # 1 AND #2 position.  *groan*)

Let me state right here and now, for the sake of readers such as my mother-in-law Phyllis, and that coffeesister person, and my vast array of female readers (all 4 of you) that I have NEVER, EVER posted videos of sexy prostitutes in short skirts to this blog.

The Google page points you to the Iranian hooker post (of course), but here’s what it says..

Sweet! Sexy! Iranian Hookers! — The RhodesTer Chronicles
- Oct 1
In short, short skirts with high-heel boots and fishnets? With overdone make-up and …. Or add a Video Comment. with. Seesmic Logo. « Back to text comment … – 34k – Cached – Similar pages – Note this

I’m just describing what those girls were wearing!  And the video reference is because you can leave video comments on this blog!  (Did you know that, by the way?)  There are NO PICTURES OR VIDEOS OF SEXY IRANIAN HOOKERS!

The only conclusion that I can come to through all of this, is that despite ten years of development and billions of dollars earned and invested, that GOOGLE IS STILL DUMBER THAN A BAG OF HAMMERS.


Geez Louise.

A Google scientist proudly displays the brand new search engine optimizer, built entirely from washing machine parts and the stuff left to them when Uncle Pat died.

BY THE WAY, if you came here looking for actual hookers or photos of hookers or videos of hookers, I’d hate to have you leave disappointed.. so buy some sexy shit..

RhodesTer on Twitter/Subscribe to this blog

Astor Chocolate


Sex Engine Orgasm

by RhodesTer on August 11, 2008

I’m learning a lot about SEO (Sex Engine Orgasm). Mainly, that you want to put sex in there somewhere if you’d like to get a lot of hits to your blog.  They may not be meaningful hits, in that the people doing the hitting may not stay around and read your stuff, or click-thru on the ads you have posted and generate revenue for you.. but boy, do they come in droves if you just post something.. ANYTHING.. out there that hints at sex in the least little bit.

I’m basing this on my Google Analytics, which is telling me that a post I did a while back called “Sweet! Sexy! Iranian Hookers!” is STILL my most popular post, despite the fact that it’s not really about Iranian Hookers and it doesn’t have any dirty pictures, except for a pic of some alleged hookers allegedly standing around allegedly soliciting alleged sex (can’t be too careful these days).

It’s actually a real life story about these two Iranian girls I encountered at the hotel where I work, and how I thought they were hookers at first because of how they dressed, but they turned out to be just a couple of regular girls visiting Palm Springs who just happened to have trashy taste.

The cool thing about Google Analytics is it tells you how long visitors stay, along with where they come from and what their favorite colors are.  It also tells you what kind of cars they drive and there’s a WordPress plug-in where it’ll fetch information on what they had for lunch and order the same thing to be delivered to your door in 30 minutes or it’s free.

Turns out the visitors looking for actual Iranian Hookers don’t stay long. They read for a few seconds until they realize there’s no number given to actually ORDER a Sweet! Sexy! Iranian Hooker! and then they get into their Ford Ram trucks or Dodge Durangos to go have Pizza or Kentucky Fried Chicken.

But it’s still my most popular post.

This one will probably be my SECOND most popular in a week’s time..  I’ll let you know.

RhodesTer on Twitter/Subscribe to this blog

Astor Chocolate


Monetizing your widgets in the rain (with George Clooney)

July 8, 2008
Thumbnail image for Monetizing your widgets in the rain (with George Clooney)

I have decided to take immediate action and do something about my hit count.

23 comments Read the REST..