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Some reckless clown holds an iPad the wrong way, just asking for it to get snatched.

A friend of ours recently had his iPad stolen.

It was snatched right out of his hand while he was on a business trip in Atlanta, and the thief ran off with it as our friend and his dinner companions gave chase.

He blogged about it here, using all kinds of colorful adjectives to describe the “dirty, filthy mother f**king thief.”

We’re guessing he was still upset about it when he posted.

Out first inclination was to ask why on earth anyone would be carrying around an expensive, nifty piece of technology like an iPad anyway? You’re just asking for someone to snatch it!

Then we remembered that these things are made to be carried around. He probably took it to the dinner so he could take notes and show his clients pictures of the stuff he sells and things like that.

Well, okay then.

He should do what we do here in San Francisco. We have a little Asus netbook which is about the same size as an iPad, except that it unfolds and becomes a tiny laptop. We take it to cafes but we put it in a regular laptop sized bag with a shoulder strap and we sort of strap it around ourselves when walking the mean city streets.

This eliminates the snatchers, because they’d be dragging us down the sidewalk with them as they run, but we’re afraid it won’t do too much when it comes to the blatant armed robbers.

We guess if one of them came up to us and demanded the whole laptop bag while pointing a gun, we’d have to just give it to them. Even a Tactical Police and Military Pen wouldn’t help in that situation.

We met a guy in one of the cafes who has the same kind of netbook we do, and he showed us how he has an inner pocket on the inside of his jacket lining where the netbook just fits, and you can’t even tell he has it!

Of course, he could always get robbed by the gun-brandishing “empty all your pockets!” type of robber, but the chances are decidedly lower.

We see a pattern emerging here, so let’s review..

Our blogger friend was holding his iPad in his hand and had it snatched away. He might as well have been wearing a sign that said, “Free iPad to fast runner!”

We strap a large case containing our netbook to ourselves while out walking, which thwarts the snatchers but not the armed robbers who decide they’d like to have that thing that’s strapped to us. Our chance of getting robbed is less, but not a lot.

Our cafe friend jaunts merrily along, swinging his hands at his side as he shows any would-be robbers that he has nothing to hand over, should they attempt to relieve him of his goods. They probably see him and think, “We’d be taking a chance on this guy because even though it’s a big coat and he may have a computer in the lining of it, we can’t be certain so let’s just wait for Rhodester, or better yet, Rhodester’s blogger friend who will be carrying an iPad.”

Given this logic, we have a solution..

Laptop thiefWe think electronic gizmo manufacturers should consider making their iPads and netbooks so that they come in tiny little pieces that can be snapped together. That way, when going out to dinner with clients or to a cafe to write for a while, all we have to do is spend the first hour assembling our little machines.

This is based on the knowledge that criminals are inherently lazy. Why else are they criminals instead of going out and getting a decent job? Even if they KNOW we’re walking along with an entire iPad in a hundred and sixty-two different pieces they’re not going to take the time to count them all up while robbing us and then assembling it all once they get back to their lair, or den, or whatever they call it.

And whereas it would take like an hour to assemble the thing once we get to the cafe or whatever, it’s only going to take us twenty minutes to disassemble it because all we’re doing is basically ripping our iPad into tiny pieces.

However, we’re realists here at The Rhodester Chronicles, so we fully understand this doesn’t completely eliminate our chance of getting robbed, but it just relegates it to that final element, that being the type of robber who’d be willing to snatch us at gunpoint, and take us back to his lair or den to hover over us and make us assemble all the pieces for him and then just shoot us when we’re done.

But that seems unlikely, doesn’t it?

Of course, our blogger friend thought it unlikely that anyone would snatch his iPad from his hand outside a restaurant, which is why he was carrying it so nonchalantly in the first place.

Damn, our netbook is WAY too big! Where did we put that axe?

NOTE – Coffeesister asks, “Wouldn’t a jigsaw work better than an axe if we expect to be able to reassemble it?” The short-answer is YES, but unfortunately someone stole our jigsaw.

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Mom Would Hate The Fruit Phone

July 16, 2008
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WHOA! You can take incoming calls on it too? Splendiferous!

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