Satan’s Hotel & Spa, now with free flies!

by RhodesTer on July 7, 2009

This past weekend I was called back to work at the hotel for a couple of overnight shifts.

Bad Hotel Bad Teinach by road2ruin on FlickrI’d forgotten just how much fun it can be when everyone complains about everything, but I was quickly reminded when a stern lady chewed me out while wagging her finger at me because guests were in the hot tub late at night and she wanted me to clear them out, claiming they were making too much noise. I did and of course, the hot tub guests complained that they weren’t able to enjoy the hot tub late at night. One young man who’d had a bit too much to drink said, “Dave, I would never, EVER come to your house and kick you out of your hot tub!”

I told him I appreciated knowing that.

Another lady complained that there were too many flies in Palm Springs this year, and she wanted us to compensate her room because of it. There weren’t any flies in her room unless she’d left the door open, but there were more than usual buzzing around outdoors and some had made their way into the lobby because they got whooshed in by the sliding glass doors, which really can’t be helped. I’ve noticed that there are more flies here where I live, about three miles from the hotel, and I noticed a lot more downtown. I think it’s because the economy is currently mired in shit.

We did not comp her room, but I did assure her there was no charge for the extra flies.

On a whim yesterday, I decided to look at some of the public review forums on travel sites to see if anyone complained about the hotel online. I didn’t find many negative reviews, they were mostly positive – but it’s interesting that someone can stay at the hotel at the same time as someone else, and whereas the first person “had a wonderful time,” the second thinks the place must have been built by the Marquis de Sade while Satan himself supervised and Hitler carried the bricks.

The following reviews drive that point home. This first one is about the hotel where I sort of work (I was laid-off in December and they’ve only called me back to cover a few busy holiday weekends.) Since I technically still work there, I’ve replaced the name of the hotel with (HOTEL), but I’ve otherwise copy/pasted directly from the site, so that this woman’s spelling and grammar problems remain. I guess she was crying so hard her vision was blurry..

This was the worse hotel stay ever! Upon our arrival to the hotel the Valet was fighting with a guest we waited over 15min to get them to acknowledge us. The pool was overcrowded, small, and very old. The people were eating in the pool, throwing trash in there, the girls on the side were ashing there cigarettes into the pool. Upon returning to our room other guests were using our patio, and the bathtub did not fucntion prperly. The room furniture was old and and smelled like wet MOLD!! The staff was rude at the front desk when tried to alert them to these downfalls…the WORSEST (HOTEL) hotel ever! NOt worth staying ever again…for free…and I wouldnt dare spend a DIME here!

Now, this is the kind of disgruntled guest that you can’t really do anything for. I could shoot all the employees, burn the place down and mix the corpses in with the ashes, and then bury the whole mess on the vacant lot and throw salt on it so nothing could ever grow there again, and she’d complain about the smell (the worsest smell EVER!)

I was curious about who she was, so I clicked on the username she used for the travel site. It didn’t tell me much, but it did point me to the next review she gave, which was shortly after she reviewed our hotel. It seems she and her partner switched over to the Andreas Hotel here in Palm Springs, which I can use the name of because I don’t work there, and also because she gave it a rather glowing report..

I dont even know where to begin…this weekend started off AWFUL by checking into the crapeiest, oldest and worst experiencing (HOTEL) ever! We were ready to go home when we found the quaint little Andrea’s Hotel and Spa. We called and check for availabilty and spoke to the most caring, and wonderful night manager named BOB! He is the greatest! He offered to show us the rooms, we went to see them and the hotel was amazing. It was like you were swept away back in time and put into a novel. This hotel trully is a little oasis away from everything. It is the best place to go, for some qiuet, romantic getaway from the hussle and bussle of everyday life. Bob immediatly made us feel comfortable, and welcome at the hotel. We stayed in the King Bed, Suite with a jazzucci tub. Bob brought us 2 glasses so we can enjoy our champange, he wiped down the patio furniture on the balcony and lit the fireplace for uus to enjoy. There are NO pool hours, no association fees, no parking fees! We were able to enjoy a midnight dip in the pool and spa and had it all to ourselves! The parking was free to come and go as you please, and if you need anything..just ASK BOB or the front desk! We needed a grocery store for a few personal items they gave us directions, we wanted to know what the best cocktail lounge and steak dinner was locally to go to and they gladly offered amazing recomendations. The spa part of the hotel looked amazing as well, even though we didnt use it. We will definitely be coming back here time and time again! We have already booked for Mother’s day! LOVE THIS HOTEL!!!

I’m glad she had a good time at the Andreas. Evidently “Bob” shits gold bricks, and man, you just can’t beat a “jazzucci tub.”

BUT.. the following review was composed by someone else about the ANDREAS, and was posted right under hers within a day or two of her stay there..

We had 2 nights booked, arrived at 2, where the room wasnt ready, got back at 3.30 just took 1 look at the room and left immediately ! The reception staff got pretty upset and quite rude, and didnt want to refund us, so still had to pay for the 1st night, even though we never checked in.
Rooms are tiny ! Dark, no space for full size luggage, one tiny window !
No internet in rooms.
Have never seen smaller pool than this one – a kiddy pool !
Wish I had taken pictures of room and pool, just to warn other people off….
Went to the Hyatt instead and had a great room for 2 nights and was worth the cost (including the refused refund of this hotel!)

Just a couple of technical notes here – if you make reservations and then show up and want to leave immediately, or don’t show up at all, most hotels will charge you for the room. Speaking of rooms, here’s one of those tiny, dark rooms at the Andreas..

andreas room

The Hyatt is right downtown in Palm Springs. You’ll probably find happy reports about it at that same travel site, right along with reports from people who liken it to hell on earth.

So, the bottom line is this.. don’t listen to what anyone says about a hotel, whether it be good or bad, because they’re all full of crap. Except me. When booking your next Palm Springs vacation, be sure and stay at (HOTEL), where you’ll have a wonderful time because we’ve replaced all the moldy furniture, kicked the other guests off your patio after first wiping them down, made the girls at the pool put out their cigarettes, shooed away the flies, lit the fireplace for you, fixed the bathtub, hired Bob, made the guests in the hot tub leave so you can sleep and have reserved the hot tub for your use late at night, in case you can’t sleep,  with complimentary champagne and strawberries imported from the Hyatt, so that you can enjoy a qiuet, romantic getaway from the hussle and bussle of everyday life.

And after you leave, we’re going to burn the place down.

tell the WORLD..
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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Raymond July 7, 2009 at 9:20 am

When I worked night audit, boy did I hate working Memorial Day and 4th of July weekends. Even where I work now, the crowds, the heat, the beer, and it gets a little tough to put up with even when you like your job! Anyway I enjoyed this post!

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2 RhodesTer July 7, 2009 at 9:25 am

The worst part is when things are beyond your control and you can’t do anything to make someone happy, no matter what. Sometimes you can, but other times they just want to be miserable and yell at you.

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3 Aline July 7, 2009 at 5:33 pm

Well, of course the rooms are tiny if they’re in a novel.

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4 RhodesTer July 7, 2009 at 5:49 pm

Which is why I’m thinking of closing the book on this chapter of my life.

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5 Jillian July 8, 2009 at 6:43 am

I’m staying there when I come to visit, Dave. :)

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6 RhodesTer July 8, 2009 at 6:56 am

I guess you could if you want to, but I don’t really work there anymore and can’t get you any kind of discount or comp, plus there’s a Holiday Inn across the street from us that would be cheaper.

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7 Jillian July 10, 2009 at 3:48 am

You don’t call free flies a discount? Dude – that’s a total comp! :)

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8 RhodesTer July 14, 2009 at 9:26 am

Nutter.

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