Neighbors

by RhodesTer on July 2, 2009

This is Phil.

He’s our gay Archbishop neighbor who happens to appear at our window once-in-a-while, as shown in the pic..

Phil

I KNOW, huh? He scares the cat.

I’m not a judgmental person. This is because  I’m pretty messed up myself in more than a lot of ways, and I’ve had people poke fun at me, so I don’t poke fun at Phil.

Much.

I DID put him on BlogTV – the above shot is a still from the live video feed. He walked up while I was testing out my BlogTV account by doing a live broadcast with about 2-3 people in the chat room looking at me. I turned the web cam to the window and got up to about 50 people, most of whom delighted in making all kinds of disparaging remarks about poor Phil, who didn’t know he was on. I don’t know if that’s legal and it may be  ethically questionable, but it sure was fun.

You can see the videos here.

Phil has got me to thinking about social mores recently, and what’s acceptable as opposed to what’s not, and if not, WHY not, and all that kind of heavy stuff. Oh, he didn’t bring the subject up – he just mostly talks about gay issues, politics and gay issues in politics. I got to thinking about it because most people can’t stand him, so I started asking myself, “Okay, what is it about this guy that makes him so creepy?”

I mean, he doesn’t walk around naked – only mostly naked, as pictured – and he doesn’t give any inclination toward anything that would make you want to hide your children when he comes around, yet I’d bet most of you would.

But a lot of people in the chat room started making all kinds of obscene remarks about Phil because he looks and talks funny. I kicked a lot of them out, as did my pal Katharine, who I gave OP privileges for that purpose.

Why do people get that way? Is it the anonymity of the Internet? Do I even have to ask that? Because, you know, if someone were invited into my apartment and I gave them a beer and they carried on like that, all foul-mouthed, obscene and critical of my neighbors, I’d kick their ass out. Even if they were being critical of Archbishop Phil, which is really easy to do.

Taylor SwiftGranted, I’d much rather have someone like Taylor Swift came to my window a lot, and sing pretty songs to me on her guitar. That’d be alright. But even then it’s possible I’d get irritated with Taylor Swift if she came to the window frequently and was always like, “Hey Rhodester, I’m writing a new song and I want to play it for you!” when I’m in the middle of something, which is what Phil does only instead of playing songs he asks me if I think any of the Osmonds are secretly gay and he recites stats that support his belief that over 80% of sailors on our modern Navy ships are gay and stuff like that.

By the way, I wondered what it would look like if Taylor Swift came to my window all of the time, since I was talking about it, and I came up with this..

Taylor Swift at my window

I bet I’d get a whole lot more than 50 people in the chat room.

But, no matter.. it’s Archbishop Phil who comes to the window and not the lovely Miss Swift, so I’m left to deal with that for what it is. I’ll start by answering some questions you may have about him, which I base on the questions some of the people in the chat room asked the day he was on the live video..

1. Is he REALLY an Archbishop?
YES. Don’t call him “Bishop,” or he will correct you.. every time. He said that he has Bishops “under him” and I said “I’ll bet” which sounded kind of snarky, but I’m not sure he picked up on that.

2. What church is he with?
The Independent Apostolic Church of Something Or Other, which I’ve never been clear on. I said, “I’ll BET it’s independent.” He picked up on that.

3. You have a church like that in Palm Springs?
I don’t know.. probably. But he’s here on a two year “sabbatical” and can normally be found standing at his neighbor’s window in the UK.

4. So he’s openly gay? and an Archbishop?
YES, dagnabbit.. we covered that. Evidently that’s allowed in his church and he says he has women Bishops “under him,” which takes away from my snarky remark in #1 (since he’s not into women) and also shows that his church is just a tad more than liberal.

5. Why would an Archbishop, gay or not, walk around mostly naked?
We’re in Palm Springs and there’s a pool behind Phil that you can’t see because of my lousy web cam. It’s like a thousand degrees here during the summer, and he enjoys a refreshing  dip like anyone else. Also, he sometimes wears a black tunic and sometimes a red tunic, both with a clerical collar, but not in the pool, which would just be weird.

6. He lets you call him “Phil?”
No, he requested that I call him “Your Grace” but I think he reconsidered when I shot coffee out of my nose.

7. Does he like the music you play?
No, he calls it “The Devil’s Music” (I was playing an alt-rock playlist one day when he walked up, and that’s what he said.) I asked him how it is that he can have young men over to give them blow jobs but he finds my music to be morally reprehensible. Yes, I really did ask him that. I keep saying things like that to him, yet he keeps coming back. Honestly, I wouldn’t say that kind of thing to Taylor Swift.

If you have any more questions you may leave them in the comments below, but just keep in mind that I’m not a Phil expert because I don’t live with him or anything like that, and I don’t even know which apartment he’s in – although I think it’s the one on the left. THE FAR LEFT.

It probably goes without saying that Archbishop Phil is an unusual guy, but in a way I’m glad he comes up to my window because I agree wholeheartedly with Nietzsche, who said, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Yesterday morning, Phil came up to our window while we were still in bed sleeping, and with the blinds closed to within about 4 inches of the window sill, he shouted into our nice, quiet apartment, “Hey did you guys catch last night’s Jon Stewart?” He then proceeded to tell us about it, even though we hadn’t answered him.

I just turned 50 last month, so I need all the strength I can get.

tell the WORLD..
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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jenny Ryan July 2, 2009 at 7:38 am

6. He lets you call him “Phil?”
No, he requested that I call him “Your Grace” but I think he reconsidered when I shot coffee out of my nose.

{{SNORT}} Thank you for a post that made me laugh out loud more than once this morning. It helped to get my humor juju going.
Jenny Ryan´s last blog ..Celebrate Good Times, Come On! My ComLuv Profile

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2 RhodesTer July 2, 2009 at 11:07 am

One Humor juju, two shots of mirth, extra-foam and hold the sadness, coming up! Can I get you anything else?

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3 Katherine July 2, 2009 at 11:08 am

-points to name- I’m FAMOUS.

;)

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4 RhodesTer July 2, 2009 at 11:13 am

You’re my heroine! Not the drug, which is heroin – but the feminine of hero. But they both sound the same. Oddly enough.

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5 Writer Dad July 2, 2009 at 11:24 am

Dude, you totally win. Mine had like two funny lines. Maybe. Yours had half a dozen LOLs and at least a snort or two. It ALMOST made me wish I lived on the first floor, except that instead of hilarity I’d get gunshots seeing as how I live smack dab in the ghetto, rather than Palm Springs.
Writer Dad´s last blog ..DAD! My ComLuv Profile

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6 RhodesTer July 2, 2009 at 11:29 am

The odd thing about mine is that I didn’t embellish anything – it’s all true, except for the fake pic of Taylor Swift at my window.

Milk that ghetto, man! Write about how fun it is to live in a place like that. Making lemonade out of lemons and all, right?

Why am I not subscribed to your blog? I don’t know.. subscribing now, goshdarnit.

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7 Judy Curran July 3, 2009 at 3:10 pm

“Why do people get that way? Is it the anonymity of the Internet?” – Great point! I tell my (grown up) kids to try to live their lives like they have the town parrot in their kitchen – if you are considering saying something you don’t want everyone to hear – praps might not want to say it. Especially poignant now with the Internet, when it’s not just said and gone, but recorded in black and white! BTW, the kids STILL don’t listen to what I say!

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8 RhodesTer July 3, 2009 at 5:40 pm

When I do a BlogTV chat I leave the chat room open to all (as opposed to just people who’ve added me as a friend) so that Twitter people can jump in to if they want. Problem is I darn near have to keep my mouse hovering over the “kick” button because of the jerks who come in. For absolutely NO REASON WHATSOEVER, they’ll be offensive, abusive and foul-mouthed to me.

I really do look at it as inviting people into this apartment to sit down and have a beer, coffee or whatever, and chat. Would you be like that then? Of course not. So yeah, it’s the anonymity and safety of the net that allows idiots to shine.

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9 HeadacheSlayer October 2, 2009 at 9:41 pm

ROFL so glad I hopped to your archives ;)

People are weird. People are rude. And then there are people who write funny stuff that makes me laugh. I’m sure there are a few more categories but you can safely put yourself in the 3rd category ;)

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10 RhodesTer October 3, 2009 at 5:34 am

Yeah, sometimes I’m weird and I try to never be rude although I’m sure there are those who’d tell you I am. Whatever.

Thanks.. I try to write funny stuff but don’t always succeed at that either. But I think I do most of the time. Hopefully.

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