Happy Holidays and Pxlrph SM2lx, Gorf!

December 19, 2009

in Humor/Satire

RhodesTer at the windowWe’ll soon be entering Christmas week here at The RhodesTer Chronicles, and we assume you will be too.

It’s been “the holidays” for a while now, starting sometime around early October when everyone was “getting into the Halloween spirit.” We saw a lot of orange and black decorations surrounded by pumpkins, and babies dressed as little ghosts and goblins. Then, a short time later, we started seeing fall leaves and hay, and babies dressed as little turkeys, at least here in the states. I know you international readers don’t celebrate “Thanksgiving,” you ungrateful bastards.

Then, just a few weeks ago, we started seeing a lot of red, green and blue ornaments surrounded by tinsel and fake snow, and babies dressed as little elves, the baby Jesus or tiny rabbits depending on their parent’s religion.

I mean.. Rabbis.

Christmas is coming, and it’s bringing Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and some other things right along with it, all in one big sleigh.

I love the holidays, but especially Christmas. Coffeesister and I have been down on our luck a few times over the years and once even had to celebrate Christmas in a sleazy motel room. We invited the crack addicts from #32 in for eggnog, and then the cops who came to bust them.

We could have a great Christmas in a Turkish prison cell with a fork we’d make into a Christmas tree and rat turds hung on it for ornaments, because it’s not really in the trappings, you know? It’s the spirit of the whole thing, and I don’t care if you’re Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Atheist or from Fresno, I know you’re off shopping and getting ready for a wonderful holiday that you’re going to celebrate in any way you see fit.

This is obvious because very few of you are dropping in on this blog this week. I’m probably going to have almost nobody dropping in this weekend, and I’ll certainly have no one the few days proceeding Christmas.

I know this because I use Google Analytics, which tattles on you all and tells me who visits and when, plus what kind of browser and operating system you have, and what time of day you visited and what you had for breakfast.

“Count Chocula,” Rick Rockhill? Really? Look in a mirror, bro.

These are my stats for Friday December 18th at late in the evening..

Sucky Stats

Yeah I know, huh?

Google Analytics also has a setting where you can see who’s not visiting. I tried that once and had to get a new computer, after paying off the damage done to the the apartment complex from the fire.

So, I’m thinking, “Why am I even bothering to post?” Well, because I want to keep momentum going and not let this blog die a slow, agonizing death like my goldfish did that time I went to Vegas and forgot to ask the neighbor to feed it.

He wouldn’t have anyway, because he was still mad over the apartment fire thing.

So I post to keep momentum going but why am I even trying to compose halfway intelligible sentences when hardly anyone is going to read it? I could (and should) just post something like this..

Ugart youreghy thwog. Ghartve! 7bnoooprets annv litpsarch, nower tlop oone bsat! 8!

That would be fun, but I’m sure I’d get angry comments from Gorf, Supreme Ruler of Xopsis 2, criticizing my take on the litpsarch situation.

I could just post random funny pictures..

Nachos as big as your ASS

But there are websites that do that already. Where do you think I get them?

No, it’s probably best that I just write something in English no matter how nonsensical it is, and then post it and hope some harried shopper takes a break to sit down long enough to read it, then click on the banner at the bottom. Not the one for the daily video or to subscribe to the blog, but the one that sells something. Then I’ll get a small percentage of that in cash, which I can save up and eventually buy another new computer after checking the who’s not visiting stat page, and on and on and on it goes.

Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas,
Happy Hanuka, Joyous Kwanzaa and Pxlrph SM2lx!

Christmas Alien Gnome by Florian on Flickr

RhodesTer on Twitter/Facebook/Subscribe to this mess

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Krispy December 19, 2009 at 4:37 am

Hey, I came for a visit this weekend. Better be more careful about leaving the blog door open like that. Obviously they’ll let anybody in this place.

You look so forlorn in that top picture; staring in the window, fogging up the glass, firmly clutching your … package.

Merry Christmas to you, CS, everybody at the new digs … and joyous Kwanzaa and happy Harmonica and everything else, too.
.-= Krispy´s brilliant blustering.. White Power Is Keeping Me Down =-.

Reply

2 RhodesTer December 19, 2009 at 5:00 am

Whoa, a visitor! Sorry about the mess.. I was just sweeping up widgets. Sorry there’s no eggnog either, I wasn’t expecting you.. uh, care for a glass of water?

Reply

3 John Stewart December 19, 2009 at 11:29 am

Hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and A successful and Happy New Year!

From:

John and Reese Stewart

Reply

4 RhodesTer December 19, 2009 at 7:08 pm

HEY JOHN AND REESE STEWART! You too, guys!

Folks, John and Reese are our gay neighbors from Huntington Beach. John is this masculine man’s man, all tough and burly on the outside and he’s like, into sports and stuff, and Reese is his effeminate Filipino partner. They’re so cute together!

Reply

5 Scott Roche December 21, 2009 at 6:46 am

Merry Christmas and stuff!
.-= Scott Roche´s brilliant blustering.. Apologetics =-.

Reply

6 RhodesTer December 21, 2009 at 11:09 am

Hey, you too Spiritual Scamp!

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