Barbie Hitchcock’s Atrophic Gastritis Amphetamines and Weird Abe Lincoln Memorabilia”

by RhodesTer on April 29, 2009

Up until a few years ago, I used a simple “hit counter” on my blog and before that, my website. It looked like this..


In a futile effort to not be boring, I used this style for a short time..


..note that it looks just like an LED display on stereo equipment but it counts hits to your website instead.


These things were popular in the 90s, but all they really did was show people how many hits your website/blog had up to the moment, and that was an overall count.

These days I don’t have anything like that on this blog, because I don’t care for showing off how many visitors have accumulated. If you really want to know where this blog stands, you can always check with Technorati or look at its Google ranking, which is 3/10.. that’s not great but it beats being flogged in the public square with razor-sharp USB cables.

I now use Google Analytics, which not only shows you how many visitors you’ve had overall, but how many in the past whatever period of time you want to put in – like hours, days, weeks, months, etc – and it breaks it all down between page-views and hits, whether they’re unique (first-time) visitors or returning, yada yada yada, on and on and on.

It can get quite overwhelming, so I pay little attention to it. But I do like to visit the keyword section to see what keywords and phrases brought people to this blog in the first place. These are things people actually typed into a search box in order to find you, many of which don’t make sense – ask anyone who runs Google Analytics or a similar statistical analyzer and they’ll tell you the same thing.

Here is a sampling of mine, pasted directly from my Analytics display. Some of these will make sense to some of you long-time readers while others won’t make the least bit of sense, but people actually typed these phrases into Google, MSN, Yahoo or whatever and this blog somehow came up in the results.

“atrophic gastritis amphetamines”
(Haven’t a clue)

“barbie hitchcock”
(I once posted about Mattel putting out a Barbie doll designed around Hitchcock’s “The Birds” theme)

“ashley judd hard nipples video”
(Probably due to this.. sorry to disappoint)

“cats and dogs i be roll up here we go my shoulder”
(I couldn’t agree more, but have yet to post on the topic)

“hookers stand out which hotel”
(I wish I knew that myself)

“i got him at gun point”
(Based on what’s said just before the credits roll at the end of every “COPS” episode)

“inside a 13 year old girls panties”
( It’s crucial to my general well-being along with my over-whelming desire to stay out of prison to adamantly point out that one CANNOT find instructions for this, or illustrations, or any mention of the subject whatsoever at this blog)

“weird abe lincoln memorabilia”
(I have a pair of his socks and a signed copy of his last CD)

“why all iranians look like hookers”
(Iranians please take note that this is not something I personally believe)

“midget town palm springs”
(Probably referring to this story, which is odd because there aren’t any midgets in it)

“why do seagulls fly over the beach”
(I give up.. why? Are they looking for SANDwiches to go with their chips?)

“how to make a commercial ad”
(Haven’t a clue)

“adjectives that describe a poodle”
(Curly – Awesome – Yappy – Fun – Cute – Friendly)

“fat babies”
(I’m sure I touched on infant obesity at one point or another)

“helicopter 100000 usd”
(Sorry, too late.. I already sold it)

“i can’t login skype , it say maybe dammit for my computer”
(This is a good thing, especially if you were trying to Skype me)

“i use google to make my points”
(Me too!)

“introduction and thesis for rapunzel”
(Let down your hair and I’ll tell you all about it)

“just me and the sexy hooker”
(I can’t come?)

“kelly gut smack”
(I’ve never once smacked Kelly in the gut. Who’s Kelly?)

“kindle picard”
(No doubt looking for this)

“man with bath towel sit wipe”
(Wrong blog – go here)

“one two three breathe”
(Sound advice for anyone)

“picture of a poodle dressed as a hooker”
(Wrong blog – go here)

“similarity men and cat”
(There isn’t any.. give up)

“small world hate to paint it”
(Saying attributed to Stephen Wright and used in the title of this post)

“some 30 years ago,when morgan”
(Oh GOD, don’t leave me hanging! When Morgan WHAT?)

“trader joe’s hot moms”
(Looking for this.. hubba hubba!)

“why don’t older adults use twitter?”
(I use it.. so, eh? What’s that again, sonny? Speak up!)


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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Meryl K Evans May 1, 2009 at 2:44 pm

I have one OLD post that keeps getting Google traffic and comments. All it has is a title and one sentence. It’s hilarious. I’ve gotten a few whoppers of XXX search engine results landing on my page and I promise I run a G-rated site! I think the worst words I’ve used are d*mn and #ell.


2 RhodesTer May 1, 2009 at 3:57 pm

Yeah, don’t you hate that $&*#!


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