Having Fun With ‘Spamps’

photo by Eduardo Unda-Sanzana from Antofagasta, Chile – Photo 02-07-14 13 04 42

We all get spam, and have been getting it for years, but every once in a while it’s interesting to look into your spam folder and see what those spam scamps — aka ‘spamps’ — are up to.

For WordPress, the platform that this blog runs on, there is a filter that captures spam comments — aka ‘spamments’ — under posts and ensnares them before they can get posted, or else people would know where to get prescription drugs for “way cheeper then ur pharmicy!”

There are also a lot of ‘spamments’ that have nothing to do with the subject matter of the post. It’s kind of entertaining to see the ‘spamps’ get creative and attempt to make it seem as though they’re actually commenting on what you wrote about, but failing miserably.

Let’s take a look at the recent ‘spamments’ that got stuck in my WordPress spam filter.

I visited my ‘spamps’ this morning by lighting a candle and going down a twisting, dank, moldy stone stairway into the bowels of the WordPress castle. I found them languishing in darkness, howling and half-crazed, grasping at me as I walked by – their teeth rotten with a stench rising up that would gag a hog.

The WordPress Castle, “WardPressian,” located in Linlithgow Scotland, next to “Loch Press.” Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

The ‘spamps’ only stay for two weeks in my spam dungeon — aka ‘spungeon’ — before the executioner comes and drags them screaming to the decapitation block, with their corpses burned in a pile behind the castle afterward. They’re then buried deep in the ground where salt is thrown on the grave site to ensure nothing grows there, ever.

Although, there will likely be a Starbucks there someday.

I know this isn’t actually a Starbucks, with their army of lawyers and ‘cease and desist’ letters when you post a photo of one of their actual baristas in an actual Starbucks apron. This is a fully authorized free stock photo because I’m cheap and don’t like those pesky letters. Photo by Wendy Wei on Pexels.com

So, I don’t actually have that many ‘spamments’ from the ‘spamps.’ These are just the past two weeks worth…

From a post about a little boy who discovered that the Star Wars empire is not real and subsequently cried (thanks to me), comes this gem:

Aw, this was a very nice post. Spending some time and actual effort to make a superb article… but what can I say… I hesitate a lot and never seem to get anything done.

Points for effort with this one, although not actually mentioning anything specific in the post is a dead-giveaway that you’re a ‘spamper.’ If this comment had anything like, “Aw, you made that little fella cry? You’re SUCH AN ASSHOLE! %&%#@%$*!!!,” I would have allowed it.

Also, sorry to hear you hesitate a lot and never seem to get anything done, but at least you’re getting your spammy scamp messaging done, eh? Even if it lands you in the ‘spungeon,’ you’re still being productive.

This next ‘spamment’ was on a post about the day I met a cute little dog at a bus stop, and how this meeting inspired me to be myself and not worry about what other people think...

Would you be occupied with exchanging hyperlinks?

Okay, so… I have no idea what that means.

Are you asking if I am, or would be? I guess the answer is no. Are you asking if I’d like to, with you? Again, no.

BUT, when you view my blog, the URL appears in your browser, and you’re welcome to copy/paste it to whatever you want, to drive more traffic to my site.

It will look like this:


And the URL to the post you commented on looks like this:


So feel free to slap that bitch on all of your social media, blogs and/or websites.

Will I slap your URL on my stuff? A RESOUNDING NO.

A recent post from an alien named ‘X3lph The Grey Prince,’ who had to have his message translated from Pleiaden dialect using a snorfdrum, and which may or may not be satire, seemed to only attract ‘spamps’ who wanted to let you all know where to get pharmaceuticals...

Amoxicillin Without Prescription!


 Amoxicillin Without Prescription! Amoxicillin 500mg Capsules!

And this helpful tip…

Amoxicillin Causes Gallstones!

Obviously, I have omitted the actual links the ‘spamps’ provided in their ‘spamments,’ so if you really want to see and follow the links, just start your own blog at http://wordpress.com and post about puppies or something. They will find you.

Years ago I wrote about a nice lady I used to work with who resembled the late actress Francis Bavier — aka “Aunt Bee’ on The Andy Griffith Show — and she gave me a Starbucks card for Christmas.

This ‘spamp’ had a nice compliment regarding that story…

This website online is known as a stroll-through for all the information you needed about this and didn’t know who to ask. Glimpse right here, and you’ll definitely discover it.

Yes, that particular post will be of great help to anyone who works with a lady who resembles ‘Aunt Bee,’ and she gets you a Starbucks card but when you go to use it, you discover that ‘Aunt Bee’ just jacked it from the Starbucks counter and actually didn’t know you could put money on it, because it just had a ‘nice picture so she thought of you,’ so what do you do? HUH?

That post will give you all the answers.

And finally, in closing (you’re welcome), there’s a post that was so exciting, it attracted a legion of ‘spamps’ who just had to weigh in. It was about calling the cops to have a couple of drunks removed from one of our tour buses

There are some interesting time limits on this article but I don’t know if I see all of them heart to heart. There may be some validity however I will take hold opinion till I look into it further. Good article , thanks and we would like extra! Added to FeedBurner as properly

I’m still waiting for this ‘spamp’ to ‘look into it further, while at the same time being amazed that anyone still uses FeedBurner, and properly at that.

This next guy LOVED it, but had a little RSS trouble (FeedBurner, dude!), which seems to be a common stumbling block to subscription…

Oh my goodness! Incredible article dude! Thank you, However I am having troubles with your RSS. I don’t understand the reason why I can’t subscribe to it. Is there anyone else getting identical RSS problems? Anybody who knows the answer can you kindly respond? Thanx!!

Here’s a tip for everyone, meaning people who might actually benefit from this and not just a ‘spamp’ who is ‘spammenting’ to get a link out there. When you have a site URL, such as mine:


And you want the feed for RSS, just add /feed to the end of it:


And there ya go. RSS syndication, which hardly anyone uses these days.

This next (and last, so again, you’re welcome) ‘spamp’ left an extremely helpful ‘spamment’ if you’re looking to do something financially, no matter how vague…

Thanks for expressing your ideas on this blog. Furthermore, a fable regarding the financial institutions intentions any time talking about property foreclosures is that the lender will not have my payments. There is a certain amount of time the bank will require payments from time to time. If you are too deep inside the hole, they will commonly desire that you pay the actual payment entirely. However, i am not saying that they will not take any sort of repayments at all. When you and the standard bank can find a way to work a little something out, the foreclosure method may stop. However, when you continue to neglect payments under the new plan, the property foreclosure process can just pick up exactly where it was left off.

I can only guess that because there was a Wells Fargo Bank ATM right next to our tour bus, and the cops who removed the two drunks from our bus let one of them use the ATM before they cited him for trespassing (it took about 20 minutes because he kept passing out), was the prompt for some great financial advice in the midst of my little story about public intoxication and subsequent consequences.

Yes, ‘spamps’ and their little ‘spamments’ can be loads of fun, especially if you have nothing better to do than light a candle and head down those stairs to the ‘spungeon.’

This is how I spent my day off. I really should get a life.

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