Kids These Days

Last week, as I was walking with Mrs. Dave and her cousin to the train station, I accidentally cut-off a young man who had hurriedly approached from behind. I guess I must have stepped in front of him or something, because he briskly stepped around me and let me know of his displeasure.

Now, MOST PEOPLE would just go around and say something like, “Hey, that’s okay!” after I’ve said, “Oh I’m sorry!”… but not this guy.

As he brushed around us he said something like, “Watch it dawg, yo ass inna way and you go walking in front of me, mofo.”

I know that’s kind of hard to read but he was kind of hard to understand because I’m not much of a rap fan but suddenly I found myself in a live Eminem video.

I said, “Oh, I’m sorry!” and he spun around and replied, “Yo gonna be mo sorry yo keep walkin’ in front of peeps, foo, so watch where da fucks yo is going!”

I wasn’t sure what to make of this, but I was sensing he was irritated with the fact that I’d cut him off and he had to go around me. Granted, life can be difficult like that so I wanted to make sure he was going to be okay.

I said, “Oh man, are you going to be alright? I mean, wow, I stepped right in front of you, didn’t I, I’m so sorry! I hope you’re okay!”

This guy apparently knew all kinds of gang signs, because he started gesturing to me in a manner I was familiar with only from movies and videos, and even though I didn’t know what the gestures meant, I was pretty certain he wasn’t telling me I have nice eyes.

He stopped walking and approached me, flashing all kinds of colorful gestures. “Yeah dawg, yo ready fo me to pop a fresh cap in dat fresh smart-ass of yours, foo?

(I don’t think he was able to pronounce the letter “L”)

I said, “Well, I’m not sure what that means but it doesn’t sound like much fun, so no, mister tough thug guy, I’d rather you didn’t pop anything into anyone’s fresh ass here, um, okay?” I wasn’t being totally honest with him, I know what “pop a fresh cap in yo ass” means, because I’ve seen The Sopranos.

NOTE TO SELF: In the future if there is a young man who is dressed like a thug and he acts like a thug and indicates that he may be carrying a weapon and further indicates that he might take said weapon out of his waistband and shoot you with it, then refrain from sarcasm, because he likely won’t get it.

He resumed walking and picked up his pace, spinning around every few seconds to shout more indefinable things and make more signs.

I felt kind of sorry for the guy, as I pondered what life must be like if a young man feels a need to blunder through it threatening to shoot anyone who makes a snarky comment to him. I wondered if he went through his entire day like that, or if the encounter with me was pretty much it.

Sadly, I expect it likely takes up his whole day.

I had a hard time not laughing out loud at this guy because he was a blinding shade of pale white with rosy red cheeks and a baby face. I felt like I was being threatened with grave bodily injury by the leader of the porcelain doll clan, who was going to shoot me for stepping in front of him.

“Gonna pop a cap in yo ass, foo, so back off!”

Photo by Pixabay on

Mrs Dave and I talked about it later and concluded that he was way more bark than bite, because if anyone is out to shoot someone they usually just do it rather than telegraph it through sign language as THEY WALK AWAY FROM YOU. So yeah, basically a lot of bluster.

But as a dedication to our young friend and to honor our encounter, here’s a rap video featuring rapper Machine Gun Kelly dissing on Eminem, which seems to be a thing they do in these kind of videos, and it’s full of the same type of colorful gestures I was shown by our young pal last week.

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