FRESH, WONDERFUL SPAM!

A repost from about six years ago. I’d like to say that things have gotten better, and perhaps that’s true.


I sent out a tweet the other day. It went like this…

“The fact that I continuously get sent links to join Christian singles groups reinforces my suspicion that spammers don’t target demographics.”

I said that because anyone who does the slightest bit of investigation would see that I’m married, and have been for a long time, so singles groups, Christian or otherwise, are pretty much the last thing I’d be inclined to join.

But spammers don’t take the time to select a target demographic. They just send links to anyone about anything, as proven by the fact that my longtime wife continuously gets exhortations to enlarge her penis, as I’m sure all of you girls do.

This is nothing new, of course. We’ve all been getting hit by spam of all kinds since it started up years ago, and it’s showing no signs of abating. In fact, spammers are finding new and creative ways to send us links to inane stuff.

Shortly after I sent that tweet — the one about spammers not using demographics because I keep getting links to Christian singles groups – I received a twitter reply from someone that went like this…

“@rhodester, meet thousands of like-minded singles just like you at http://likemindedsingles.com!”

It’s not like there was some person just sitting there waiting for me to tweet about singles groups. It’s just an automated bot that was set-up by someone, and it waits for tweets – from anyone – that have the keyword “singles,” then it sends that response to them. It didn’t take into account that I was actually poking fun at spammers and pointing out how they don’t take into account their target audience.

Can you say “irony?”

The pain-in-the-ass factor regarding this method is that it’s getting to be rather prolific, whereas last year it was quite sporadic. I’d get something like that once-in-awhile, but now it seems like I can’t tweet something without getting hit. Twitter lets you block spammers, but of course, it always comes from a different source.

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ME: “Hello Twitterville, how are you? I’m starting off this nice day with a steaming cup of coffee and a croissant!”

BOT REPLY: “@rhodester, order coffee direct to your address from http://coffeetoyouraddress.com!”

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ME: “That blonde sitting over there by the pastry cart must be Russian, her features are quite stunning in an eastern European sort of way.”

BOT REPLY: “@rhodester, plenty of Russian mail-order brides are looking for strong, virile American men! Http://Russianbridesforyou.com.”


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ME: I have to take @dorian to the hospital, her head just exploded when I scoped out the Russian chick.”

BOT REPLY: “@rhodester, you too can pursue a nursing career from the comfort of your own home! Sign-up at http://onlinenursingcollege.com.”


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You get the idea, and I’m sure that if you use Twitter, you’ve gotten these too. This is because spammers not only continue to hit our email addresses as they did in the very beginning, but they now hit our Twitter, Facebook, blog comments and just about anything else that we use online.

It’s gotten so out of hand that our brains are turning into mushy grey goo, and we’ve grown complacent to the onslaught of unsolicited advertising to the point that if we no longer had it, we’d feel an empty void of some kind.

I kind of have to admit, I LIKE the blog comments that say, “Hey, nice blog! Can I add you to my blogroll?” and it’s signed “usedcarsforcheap.com” SURE!! BRING IT ON!!! ADD ME!!!!! SPAM ME!!!!!!!

PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

INUNDATE ME WITH LINKS, ADS AND FLIERS UNTIL I DISINTEGRATE INTO A QUIVERING MASS OF GELATINOUS GOO!!!!!!!!!

..AND THEN INUNDATE ME SOME MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!

After all, I have plenty of money to spend on your product now that Frank Woo, Director of Hang Seng Bank Limited 0f Hong-Kong has informed me that the old Christian widow died and left me the sum of no less than 251 million pounds in gold doubloons, but he needs my help getting it out of the country because of the “recent turn of events.”

“@rhodester, have you thought of investing in gold? Gold is at an all-time high right now, so cash in at http://golddoubloonsinvestmentscheme.com


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