PLEASE don't freeze! We like you. Get your ass indoors or something.
HELP WANTED: OYSTER PIRATE. Must be familiar with rough seas and rougher women.
Sorry, we're not hiring at the moment, or like, ever.
Dating a high-profile sports celebrity isn't all that, frankly.
Blackmailing people online can be a lot of fun, but you have to go about it the right way.
"That's not a skateboard... now THAT'S A SKATEBOARD!"