Welcome back, my little wayfaring readers

I’m still without a computer. I’m using coffeesister’s, which I really don’t like doing because little windows keep popping up with messages from guys all over the world who tell me that I have lovely eyes, and they go on and on about how much they’d like to get to know me and how fun it would be if we ran off together to some exotic locale where we’d smear one another with cocoa butter and dance in the light of the tropical moon. If I wanted THAT kind of attention, I’d just throw on my white tennis shorts and go have a latte at the Starbucks in downtown Palm Springs.

I don’t really have a problem with these guys sending messages to coffeesister, because I happen to know that if they REALLY knew her they’d be aware that she doesn’t like cocoa butter. Sometimes I can’t resist the temptation to answer them, where I of course pretend to be her, then I describe in detail how my skin has been falling off due to syphilis, and boy, do those open running sores HURT!

So, using her computer has been somewhat fun, but I’d still rather have my own laptop again and I would if it weren’t for that pesky switch inside the lid or the crapped out motherboard, depending on who you talk to.

I took it to a local computer repair shop and left it with a guy named Chuck who said he’d look at it the next day when he had time. I guess he didn’t have time, because a guy named Luke looked at it instead and called me to say that “the motherboard is fried”and that “it’s beyond hope, but we can transfer the contents of the hard drive to CDrom if you’d like for a mere eighty dollars”. I told him that I didn’t have a mere eighty dollars, so I’d just come and pick it up the next day. When I did so, Luke wasn’t there but Chuck was, and Chuck fired it up after I’d arrived and said he thought a switch wasn’t activating and it might just be as simple as replacing it and then everything would be fine. When I told him what Luke had said about the motherboard, he sort of rolled his eyes as if he didn’t mean too, but couldn’t help it because Luke is ALWAYS pulling crap like that, so I just grabbed my laptop and left, not knowing who to trust, where to turn or who to turn to and trust.. or who to trust my turn too.. or who to turn my trust fund over too..

So, here I am, hijacking coffeesister’s computer in order to compose a post and catch you all up on.. oops, wait a second.. be right back..

Well, HI THERE bigdicktracy69! Thank you for the compliment.. I, in turn, just LOVE your clever online username!

No, bigdicktracy69, I’m NOT married.. well, not happily anyway, since my husband is a no-good, beer swilling pig who spends all night at the casino and comes home in the morning broke and in a drunken stupor, but does he go to bed and pass out? NO, of course not! Instead he beats me senseless until I ooze blood from every pore and my face swells up to three times its normal size, causing me to look a bit like a pumpkin, albeit a bloodcaked one with boils that ooze pus all over its lips and face. But at least my teeth are like a pumpkin’s, if it’s a Halloween jack-o-lantern, because they’re all jagged and broken. But what can I do? He’s a 7′2″ former pro wrestler who had to retire when his manic/depressive disorder got too much out of control.. I’ve tried to get him into therapy, but he broke the therapist’s legs because he thought we were having an online affair..

Hello? bigdicktracy69? HELLO??

Okay, so I was saying that I’ll be using coffeesister’s computer for awhile until I can afford to buy another one, or fix the switch in my present one, or replace the motherboard, depending on who you talk to. Perhaps I should just smear some cocoa butter on it and see what happens.

Check in again on WEDNESDAY, cuz that’s when I’ll be back.

No, really!

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Tagged as: musing