This post was originally published in 2008. We’re reposting today in memory of the late Steve Jobs, who we also apologize to for this post, may he rest in peace and all of that..

A huge company named after a popular fruit has released a new kind of phone, which has caused quite a stir.

I guess it’s quite a phone, with all kinds of gadgets that can do all kinds of things. Better yet, you can download things from the interwebz for the phone to do if it’s something the phone doesn’t already have.

It doesn’t necessarily have to be anything useful either; my friend Cali Lewis the Geek Chick bought one of these fruit phones and downloaded a thing where you put all these animals in line as a puzzle, like bears next to bears and ducks next to ducks and so on.  Now THAT sounds damned exciting!

I don’t have one of these fruit phones nor do I plan on getting one. First of all, I can’t afford it.  As I said, it does all kinds of stuff but they charge you extra for a lot of it.

I don’t think they charge you for the little animal game — it’s perfectly free to get all your ducks in a row — but they charge you for accessing the interwebz from it and downloading nifty things and sending videos and all of that.  I just use my phone for phone calls.

At the risk of sounding all old and fuddy-duddy I’d like to hearken back to simpler times, when phones were just phones.  You called someone and talked. You didn’t take pictures with them, or videos or play animal games — you just picked up the phone, dialed, and when someone answered you had a conversation.

Mom, left, stylin' with her friend Iona, circa 1973

My mom, who packed up and left this planet in 1993, was as far from a technophile as one could get.

I had to program her VCR for her and show her how to step through the channels to watch live TV.  She never recorded anything — she just had a VCR because someone gave her one, and she’d occasionally watch an old movie on VHS, but she hated rewinding, pausing or fast-forwarding because it was all “just too COMPLICATED.”

She had this old rotary dial phone that the ringer was going out on, but she never let me replace it for her.  It had some kind of sentimental attachment I guess, though I never could figure out what it was. But when this phone would ring it would go..

“BBBBRRRrrrrrrriiiiiiinnnnngggrrrrRRRRrrrrriiiiinnGG!”

..which was the single most annoying thing I’d ever heard. It was as if someone had recorded the sound of a phone ringing to a reel-to-reel tape machine and then smeared peanut butter all over it and played it back.

It was ghastly, but she’d never let me get her a better phone.  One with pushbuttons would have been nice, but she said she was so used to dialing over the years, that pushing buttons just didn’t seem right.

I once tried to give her my old answering machine.  Coffeesister and I had been married for a couple of years and had upgraded to a new-fangled voice-mail system offered by the phone company, where we actually recorded a greeting right into our phone and they stored it somewhere in the back room and played it for people if we didn’t answer within so many rings. It was pretty spectacular!

So, I had this perfectly fine little answering machine that used little cassette tapes to record my message on and then to record the incoming messages when I didn’t answer within so many rings, and I even hooked it up for her, but she was not impressed.  “Way too complicated” she said, so I had to take it back.

I don’t think mom would feel very comfortable in today’s world.  People are lining up in droves for this little fruit phone, and I just read a post that’s even a couple of days old now, where the fruit company hit the one million mark in sales — it’s probably almost two million by now.

A guy at work bought one and as he was showing it to me, a strange sound emanated from it. He excused himself, pushed a button, and then said “Hello?” When he was done I asked him what THAT was all about. “Oh, it was just a friend calling me.” Wow, it makes phone calls too?

I think I’m a lot like my mom in a lot of ways.  She’d not grasp anything I use today and in a like manner, I’m far behind the trends just as she was for her time, and I’m quite comfortable being here.

Coffeesister and I use a couple of little Virgin mobile phones that we prepay.  We don’t internet with them although they seem to have that capability, and every once in a while I hit the wrong button and flashy graphics say, “LOADING BROWSER!” so I have to wait until it’s done and then hit a button to turn the browser off.

Coffeesister texts with people on hers, but I don’t on mine because it’s — are you ready for this? — IT’S TOO COMPLICATED, and the letters are too small.  I can’t read them that well.  I do have a camera on mine which I’ve used to take a few pictures, but they look kind of like a chimpanzee took them after licking the lens first.

I mentioned my friend Cali Lewis and as much as I dig her, I don’t know what she’s talking about half the time.

She’ll talk about something called a “DROBO” and how it’s “network friendly” and now up to “3000 GIGS!” and you can get one for only $200.00, and all along I’m thinking how much I’d rather just spend $200.00 on something I understand like a new office chair, although even THOSE are getting complicated these days as they put computer chips in them so that they remember all the ways you like to sit.

Right now, I must say, that with all this new gadgetry being flung at us I’m happy with my little cell phone that I make a call on once every few days or so, and my Windows XP running on a 4 year old Compaq and my office chair that doesn’t remember a damned thing..

..the rest is all just too damned complicated.

——————————————————————–

MODERN DAY UPDATE ~ Coffeesister, aka Dorian, now has a phone that does all that stuff described above except it’s NOT a fruit phone, it’s a DROID. I still have a Virgin phone that just makes phone calls but it’s a newer one because the previous one, it turns out, is NOT waterproof. I’m no longer using an old Compaq computer because I got a new Netbook. I still don’t know what Cali Lewis is talking about most of the time and I still don’t know what a Drobo is. I also still miss mom, but maybe Steve Jobs will bring things up to date in heaven now.

Mom in Colorado, 1948

How are things up there? It’s been a while since we’ve talked. What was it, late 1993? Yeah, you sure had to go all of a sudden. I know it wasn’t your idea, but still..

Well here it is again, another Mother’s Day, and here I am again, thinking about you. I wonder what our relationship would be like now, in this context, now that I’m older? I think we’d be pretty chill. HAHA, that means “cool,” or getting along well. You were never up on the latest lingo, were you. Not that I am, lol!

That means “Lots of Laughs.”

There’s this “internet” thing that was just getting started when you left, and it’s kind of taken over the world. Everyone is connected in some way, and there are not only computers in every home but almost in every hand, as people carry around tiny ones that are a part of their wireless phones. They send each other messages and a whole new language has sprouted off from English that would have you completely befuddled.

You’re not missing anything, really.

But just so you know, I’m putting this letter to you on the “internet” so that anyone who wants to can see it on their computer or little phone thingy anytime they want. This is because I’ve found that it’s kind of hard to message you directly, so I figure this is the next best thing, and maybe people will get an idea of how positively awesome you were when you were down here.

I’m still with Dorian. We live in San Francisco now and next month we’ll have been married twenty one years, can you believe that? She says hi, and she misses you too. The kids thing never happened for us, but we did have that one little four-legged “furkid” you left behind named Rufus. He was with us for a good ten years after you left, but I’m sure you know all about that. Did he arrive okay? He loves to be brushed, just so you know, but go with the fur and not against or he panics.

My old pal, Ian

He probably had a companion named Ian show up shortly thereafter and even though you never knew Ian down here, no doubt you’ve become well-acquainted by now, lol!

Sorry about the barking at night, but maybe it’s okay up there. Maybe in heaven it sounds like violins or something. Despite the noise, or music, Ian will love you unconditionally and he’ll be your best friend forever if you let him.

So how’s dad? He sure did suffer horribly way back when, just before he left back in ’76. You always said you’d be joining him again someday, so I’m hopeful that all worked out okay. The suffering’s over now, right? We had a hard time, he and I, but I miss him dearly too.

Tell him that, please?

I still remember the nurse on duty in the hospital that morning, when we arrived in response to a vague phone call, breathless and panic-stricken. She matter-of-factly handed you some of dad’s stuff and said, “I regret to inform you that Mr. Rhodes expired earlier today.”

“EXPIRED”.. like he was a carton of milk or something. He was more than that. He was a real man, tough as nails but not afraid to love and show it.

Mom and Dad, about 1964

He just never “got me,” and I didn’t get him. But man, that old guy loved you! For a scant sixteen years he loved you like a man never loved a woman, and he’s a big part of how much I love Dorian as we come up on our twenty one years together, because he taught me that. I’ve seen plenty of love in action since then, but he was the first.

I didn’t realize until much later that he really loved me after all, in spite of everything. I sure do miss him.

Tell dad Hi.

I still can’t believe you married old Bill down the road just a few years after dad left, but I guess you were lonely since your only son was overseas in the Navy. Bill could be a crotchety old bastard, but you patiently saw him to his grave through a long, painful illness just as you later did with your younger brother, Les.

What was it about you and commitment? You would just never leave a person, would you! I don’t know where you got that from but I hope I got some of it from you.

I saw how you cared for and nursed them until they “expired,” and they walked into that cloud of light knowing they had been loved. Nobody around you died lonely, neglected and brokenhearted. I hope it’s the same way for me. I don’t have very many people close to me these days except her, some of her family and a friend or two, but I hope they know I love them.

I probably don’t tell them nearly enough.

Mom and Iona Volkman, about 1974

So how does it work up there, anyway? I mean with crotchety old Bill waiting for you but you always wanting to be with your true love, my dad. I’ve often wondered about that, which is what we mortals do down here. We spend an inordinate amount of time pondering such things before we just shrug and say, “Guess it all works out somehow.” We’re pretty sure it does, though.

Tell Bill Hi.

Well as I’ve said, it’s Mother’s Day again, and I want you to know that I’ve been well taken care of in the “mother” department! Do you remember meeting Dorian’s mom, Phyllis, and her grandma Peg back when we got married? They both remember you, and they liked you very much, just so you know.

Grandma Peg “adopted” me back when, so I turned to her on occasion for motherly advice. A couple of years ago she went the same way you did, so maybe you’ve met up again.

Tell Grandma Peg Hi.

Phyllis is a rockin’ mom, and probably the grooviest mother-in-law a guy could ever hope for! We’re more like pals since she’s really only a few years older than me, and we have a blast whenever she comes around for a visit. I occasionally hit her up for motherly advice too, because she’s so darned reasonable and stuff.

Phyllis says Hi.

Phyliss and Dorian, Christmas 2004

Okay, I should wrap it up. I’m busying myself these days just writing and taking care of the other half, which I know you’d approve of. There was a lot you didn’t approve of back in days gone by, but I know we’re all past that now. But every now and then, when my dark side gets the best of me, I ask myself what you would think and the answer usually keeps my demons at bay.

Thanks for hanging in there with me all these years.

I’m looking forward to seeing you again soon, although not terribly soon I hope! We have eternity ahead of us, while there are things down here I need to get straight and eventually wrap up.

But that will be an awesome day, when we meet again. We’ll have a lot to talk about, LOL!

Happy Mother’s Day, and keep in mind how much I keep you in my heart.

Loving you and missing you every day of my life,

Your Son,

DAVE

Mom in Colorado, 1975

Mary Ann Kelley, Olathe Colorado

She left us all to fend for ourselves back in 1993. Geez I’m feeling old today, because I can’t believe that many years have passed.

She was only 59.

She was born in 1933, and never did grasp technology. This little blog post tribute would elude her.

I’m sure that were she still around I’d have to phone her up and tell her how to find it on her Web TV or something. She actually had a VCR but programming it was out of the question. “David,” she’d ask, “how do I rewind this so I can watch it?”

“Mom, that would be the rewind button.. right there.”

I’d show her with the hope that she’d remember for next time. Mostly she was trying to rewind while the tape was still playing. “Mom, you have to stop it first, THEN rewind.” She’d tell me how complicated that was.

Mom and Dad, about 1963

She was a good woman. She was very long-suffering, having cared for two husbands and her younger brother through excruciating terminal illnesses until they passed on.

She put up with a lot of crap from me in my youth – a lot of which I wish I could take back and do differently, but I guess somehow it’ll all be made right

She put up with greedy, arrogant relatives and con-artists who bilked her out of investments, along with two-faced neighbors who used her good graces for their own gain.

Mom and her old friend Iona Volkman, about 1974

She had her share of difficult times but always managed to keep her head up and smile.

I miss those dinners she’d make when I came around, and the occasional long talk about life and what it all means. She could be deep, and sometimes I think I was the only one who knew that. She never tried to prove anything to other people, and always met them at their level because she wanted them to be comfortable around her. They were, sometimes too much. She never let on how smart she really was.

She was the most conservative bohemian I ever knew.

I wish I could give her more than this dumb little tribute on a blog for Mother’s Day. But knowing her as I do, I think that a very public “I love you, miss you and will never forget you” will suffice. She never wanted anything more, really, than to love, be loved and be content with what she had, which was never much.

She achieved that goal, especially the parts about loving and being loved.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mary Ann Kelly

Mary Ann Kelly

I love you, miss you and will never forget you.

RIP 1933-1993

coffeesister – “While you were at work I talked to my mom.. she said that I am her truth.”

Coffeesister and her mom, not in that order

Me – “She said what?”

coffeesister – “She said I’m her truth.”

Me – “Oh, uh.. cool!”

coffeesister – “..and she also said to tell you HEY.”

Me – “You get to be TRUTH, and all I get is HEY?”