Originally posted September 4th, 2009
It is now officially Labor Day Weekend here in the United States, so on behalf of the Americans like me who don’t know why we have a national holiday celebrating the fact that we have to work, which is most of us, I looked it up.
Evidently it started up there in Canadia. The Canadians have this thing where THEY celebrate having to work and some guy from down here went up there one day in the late 1800s and saw all the fun the Canadians were having with it, like parades and drinking and barbecues and drinking and fun and drinking, so he said, “Hey we can do that!”
He came back down here and it took him like ten seconds to get the government to make it a holiday wherein we celebrate working so that we can have parades and drinking and barbecues and drinking and fun and more drinking until we vomit. Then more drinking.
To be clear and accurate, because my source is Wikipedia and I’m compelled to uphold their standards of infallibility, it seems that the Canadians are actually celebrating the fact that they can work without being beaten to death by their bosses, the military and everyone else, and that’s what the guy, whose name was Peter J. McGuire, thought was so cool.
The timing was really good because there were these strikes held by workers down here and the government sent in the military to beat them up and make them go back to work, which is really kind of sucky when you think hard about it.
So this Peter J. McGuire guy was a big part of the “Labor Movement” which is kind of like a “Bowel Movement,” except the “Labor Movement” passed a lot of laws while a “Bowel Movement” passes other stuff.
These laws that the “Labor Movement” passed say that we can go on strike if we want and not have to worry about that sort of thing. Then, to top it off, we can have a big weekend block party to celebrate the fact that we won’t be thrown in jail with our dogs.
That’s basically the essence of it.
So here we are, this many years later, and we’re so free we can go on strike if our working conditions really suck and not have to worry about our bosses or the government beating us up.
We can also drink a lot of beer as a way to flaunt it right in their faces and say, “Neener Neener you can’t flog us anymore, or fire us or give our jobs to your nephew!”
Tonight I get to go back to the hotel that laid me off last year and work as security because it’s a holiday weekend and it will be too much for them to handle, what with all the boneheads who come up to Palm Springs to consume vast amounts of alcohol and thus become drunken boneheads.
I’ve spoken of this before, wherein they spend the whole weekend trashing the place, throwing beer bottles from balconies and creating a general ruckus because they’re celebrating Labor Day. It gets quite noisy as they chant “PETER J. MCGUIRE!” over and over again and shout, “FREEDOM TO STRIKE AT WILL WITHOUT REPERCUSSIONS!” as they streak nude through the lobby and pee on the luggage carts.
Yes, tonight I get to labor while most of the rest of you get to drink beer and flaunt your freedom, but that’s okay because someone has to keep you happy, free drunken boneheads in line.
I think tonight I’ll ask everyone about the Canadian Trade-Union act and get their opinion on its influence in our modern day society, such as how the resolution of the American Federation of Labor convention of 1909 has affected their right to urinate in public fountains.
It’s going to be an interesting evening.
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