A repost from a few years ago because I just found out a friend is with a local paranormal society and she wants to come over and investigate our hotel, to which I responded “Oh hell NO, I don’t want to know what’s around here!”
I love Wednesdays because that’s when “Ghost Hunters” is on.
Ghost Hunters is a reality TV series about a group of paranormal investigators who go looking for spirit activity in people’s homes, museums, theaters, abandoned prisons, etc.. wherever they’re invited. Sometimes they don’t find any, and sometimes..
..they DO.
Oooh! ooh! OOOHHooohhHOO! BOO!
..ooh! Boo!
Oh!
Okay, well.. Jason Hawes and Grant Wilson, who are really plumbers who decided at some point to start doing paranormal investigations in their spare time, are the main guys who go looking for ghosts. Being plumbers too, it can get very entertaining because sometimes it turns out it was just a loose faucet making all the groaning noises late at night, so they fix it and everything’s fine. I understand they’re running a 2-for-1 special where you can get your poltergeist investigated and toilet snaked at the same time.
Jason is a big, bald teddy bear type of guy (I know I sound kind of gay here, but I’m not) whereas Grant has more of a cool, nerdy thing going on. Of course, they don’t go wandering around in spooky houses during the witching hour calling out to the undead all by themselves.. they have a crew of underlings like Steve the tatted, hip musician dude who you’d think deals weed but he doesn’t (as far as I can tell) and a piece of scrummy eye-candy named Kris (see? NOT gay.)
They used to have a guy named Brian on the crew but I have to say for the record I don’t miss him one itty-bitty bit.. fans of the show know what I’m talking about (have some cheese with that whine?)
We have fun watching the show, mostly because we slam a shot of Tequila every time they explain something over and over, like what EVP stands for (Electronic Voice Phenomenon) and how they prioritize cases with children, so we’re generally passed out by the time they get to “the reveal.”
Other points where we slam a shot are..
- When they explain how excessive electromagnetic fields can cause depression, paranoia and an uneasy feeling.
- When a faucet reportedly turns on by itself or there are knocking sounds near pipes they say, “Being plumbers, we..” etc.
- When Brian loses an expensive piece of equipment (older episodes.)
- When they explain how entities can suck energy out of batteries.
- When they fist-bump each other.
- When Jason or Grant say “Well, you know what we do..” at the beginning of each “reveal” (if we’re still conscious by then.)
But it’s way better than that *other* ghost hunting show that I don’t even know the name of because that one is a load of sensationalistic crap that I’ve only seen two or three times (I was hoping it’d get better.. it didn’t.)
I’m talking about the one that uses the raspy-voiced tiny fat lady from “Poltergeist” to narrate – “They went into the barn and the wind howled, and they just knew something wassss there!!!” – she kind of ruins the whole thing (I heard she recently passed away, so I’m not trying to be disrespectful.. just honest).
The sensationalistic crappy show also makes liberal use of visual and sound effects to hype the “scare factor,” whereas Ghost Hunters only does that a little bit. If I wanted that sort of thing I’d just rent a Wes Craven film.
Ghost Hunters has been around for a few years, and they’ve progressed to where they actually hunt for ghosts now as opposed to delving into the personal lives of the team and namely, whiny Brian. Somebody in production figured out that we the people really don’t tune into a show called “Ghosts Hunters” to watch them all have a barbecue at Grant’s house or argue over a missing flashlight and roll of duct tape.
No, we want to see genuine, bonafide GHOSTS, dammit, and in episodes that were made more recently we almost do!
I say “almost” because you never really quite see them, which is just how it is in real life unless you’re Jennifer Love Hewitt. Whenever they manage to get a picture or video of something that can’t be explained it’s always a misty black shadow or looks like some kind of wispy smudge. They seem to have more luck with the sound – the EVPs – and you’ll often hear a voice on the recording saying something that you can’t quite understand, so the team sits around and debates it..
Jason – “GET OUT? No, I heard GET ABOUT.. what did you hear, Steve?”
Steve – “Sounded like RED DOUBT to me.”
Grant – “Why would a ghost say RED DOUBT? That doesn’t make any sense.”
And on it goes, while we at home shout at our television sets, “Of course it was GET OUT! They didn’t want you there! Why in the hell would a ghost say GET ABOUT or RED DOUBT?”
Being a longtime veteran viewer, I can always tell when a particular case is going to be a boom or a bust, generally at the point where they first meet the person they’re doing the investigation for. If the person says, “We see flitting dark shadows out of the corners of our eyes, and sometimes a voice will speak but so softly you can’t make it out” then we know they’re going to get something.
But if they say “The lady appears in a purple ballgown at the top of the stairs every night and recites the Gettysburg Address” we know it’s a bunch of hooey and they’re probably going to come up empty-handed, because come ON.. what ghost can remember the entire Gettysburg Address?
The simple fact is, real ghosts seem to always be in the form of flitting dark shadows that we only see once in a great while, and they never get more than a couple of words out. I haven’t a clue what it’s like on the other side of that curtain, but they need a better sound system.
Actually, I’ve pondered the possibility that perhaps ghosts have a show called “People Hunters,” and they have their own Jason and Grant whose names are something like “Parcuflagus” and “Mesnomartin.” Has no one seen “The Others?” Don’t you think it could be possible that they don’t know they’re dead, like in “The Sixth Sense,” so they keep trying to investigate us?
I think about that sort of thing a lot, but only after the second or third shot.
Is it Wednesday yet?
PS. I almost entirely forgot to mention this, but the Ghost Hunters themselves are on Twitter. So for those of you playing your own drinking game and taking a shot every time Rhodester mentions Twitter in one of his posts now, then go for it, because here they are..
(No sign of Tango or Steve – let’s hope they join the madness)
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