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Christmas

Affiliate Of The Week – Stupid Dot Com

by RhodesTer on April 19, 2010

in Humor/Satire

Gag Gifts From Stupid.com

This is a brand new endeavor here at The RhodesTer Chronicles.

Now, we don’t want you to go thinking that RhodesTer needs money or anything, just because this is all affiliate advertising. The truth is, RhodesTer is selflessly looking out for YOU and YOUR best interests.

He just wants you to be happy.

So every week, starting today, he’s going to endeavor to show you things that will make you happy.

Like “Alien Golf Balls.”

And “Candy Animal Teeth.”

And even an “Exploding Toilet Seat.”

FUN!

Next week it might be ladies lingerie, which will make both you AND RhodesTer happy. And the week after that, a full selection of electronic cigarettes that are guaranteed to kill you less faster than regular cigarettes, plus they look cooler, last longer and will possibly help you pick up chicks.

But this week it’s stupid gifts from our stupid friends at Stupid.Com

We know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “How appropriate for this blog.”

Wise-acre!

Sure, RhodesTer will make a little cashola on the side if you order something from these links. But chances are he’s going to turn right around and spend it on his very own set of alien golf balls or candy animal teeth.

So go ahead – be adventurous and order some “Butt Soap” for your mom – we dare you!


2 Carat Cup

Price: 14.99

To DON’T Note Pad

Price: 6.99

3D Drawing Pad

Price: 8.29

Sigmund Freud Watch

Price: 29.99

6-Pack Soda CANdy

Price: 2.59

Grow Your Own 6-Pack

Price: 6.95

8 Ball Keychain

Price: 2.50

Glow in the Dark Nail Polish

Price: 4.29

Accept the Fact that You’re Aging Spray

Price: 5.99

Soup Kitchen All-Access Pass

Price: 3.95

Devil Duckie

Price: 5.49

Gnarly Teeth — Phony Teeth Collection

Price: 5.99

Ass Kickin’ Hot Sauce Mini Set

Price: 8.59

Aggravation Keychain

Price: 3.50

Barrel of Monkeys Keychain

Price: 3.00

Candyland Game Keychain

Price: 3.29

Obie Key Chain

Price: 4.99

Operation Keychain

Price: 8.50

Pregnant Woman Keychain

Price: 4.99

Don’t Spill The Beans Keychain

Price: 3.29

Twister Keychain

Price: 3.29

Alien Golf Balls

Price: 11.29

Answer Me Buddha

Price: 19.79

American Hydrant Book

Price: 3.99

Candy Animal Teeth

Price: 1.99

The Anthem Ball

Price: 19.99

Car Antenna Friendz

Price: 8.50

Ant Candy — Made With Real ants

Price: 2.99

Ashes of Problem Employees Ceramic Urn

Price: 6.50

Quad Cam Camera

Price: 12.79

Gummi Army Guys

Price: 1.99

Van Gogh Art Kit

Price: 8.99

Arouzer Pill Squeeze Ball

Price: 4.99

Ass Blaster Hot Sauce

Price: 12.99

Atari Joystick Keychain

Price: 19.99

The MadHatter’s Hat

Price: 25.00

Kid’s White Rabbit Hat

Price: 20.00

Baa Humbug! – Pooping Sheep Candy

Price: 4.99

Bacon Gumballs

Price: 4.99

Bacon Tape

Price: 5.99

Bacon Watch

Price: 24.99

Bacon Strips Adhesive Bandages

Price: 4.95

Bad Movie Night: DVD with Candy

Price: 9.65

Bakugan Game Piece Keychain

Price: 3.99

Banana Costume (Size Adult)

Price: 38.99

Bang! Toilet Seat

Price: 2.99

Barbed Wire Toilet Paper

Price: 6.99

Blushing Bride Head Clinger

Price: 10.99

Baby Devil Duckies

Price: 5.79

Baby Doll Betty Costume

Price: 48.47

Bendable Keyboard

Price: 9.00

Beer Bottle Opener Ring – Pkg. of 2

Price: 5.99

Basketball Pencil Sharpener

Price: 2.99

Belly Bugs Candy – Yech!

Price: 1.99

Seriously Bad Baby Names Book

Price: 9.95

Flourescent Hair Spray – Blacklight Reactive

Price: 3.99

BoneChillers – Skull + Bones Ice Cube Tray

Price: 4.99

Backwards Watch

Price: 29.99

Biological Clock

Price: 16.29

Bug City

Price: 2.29

How To Get Into Debt Book

Price: 9.95

Big Daddy Driver – Weed Whacking Golf Glub

Price: 39.99

How To Have An Ill-Behaved Dog

Price: 10.99

How To Drive Like A Maniac Book

Price: 9.95

Blacklight Body Paint 6-Pack

Price: 17.50

TimeBeam Laser Time Pointer

Price: 7.99

Desktop Beach Set

Price: 11.99

Belching Beer Pager

Price: 18.99

Bacon & Eggs Bandages

Price: 4.99

How to Get Fat Book

Price: 9.95

Bacon Beans – Bacon Flavored Jelly Beans

Price: 5.99

Bacon Flavored Toothpicks

Price: 4.99

Mini Zen Water Fountain

Price: 4.00

Butt / Face Soap

Price: 4.95

Backgammon Keychain

Price: 5.99

World’s Biggest Underpants

Price: 14.99

Biohazard Toilet Paper

Price: 6.79

Basket Case Game

Price: 9.99

Checkers Keychain

Price: 3.29

Complete Manual of Things That Might Kill You

Price: 17.95

Mr. Potato Head Keychain

Price: 5.99

Quacking Duck Keychain

Price: 3.99

Barbie Keychains – Set of 2

Price: 8.99

Paper Shredder Scissors

Price: 9.99

Glow in the dark Finger Paint

Price: 13.99

Blacklight Hair Spray

Price: 4.99

Believe In God Instantly Spray

Price: 5.99

Bomb Bags

Price: 1.99

Horrified B-Movie Victims Set

Price: 11.99

Remote Control Bumper Cars

Price: 28.97

Mr. Mouthy Mouth

Price: 7.59

** Barack Obama Action Figure **

Price: 9.99

Talking Obama Dashboard Driver

Price: 17.99

Barack Obama Bobble Head Doll

Price: 17.99

Boo Boo Kisses Adhesive Bandages

Price: 4.99

3 Stooges Golf Sign

Price: 14.99

Gummi BooBoos

Price: 2.99

Bean Boozled – Disgusting Candy Game

Price: 2.99

Barack Obama Pocket Watch

Price: 15.99

Boxing Promoter Wig

Price: 11.99

Check out lots more zany stuff from the wackadoodles at..

Gag Gifts From Stupid.com

RhodesTer on Twitter/Facebook/Subscribe to this mess

Shop BowlingShirt.com for Father's Day and give dad some retro style!

{ 2 comments }

Beauty, Bread And The Beloved

by RhodesTer on December 24, 2009

in NOT Humor/Satire, The BEST of tRc

I married a girl some time ago, and there was this whole family that came along with the deal.

Granddad Don, Grandma Peg, Aunt Diana and the girl

My dad had drawn his final breath way back in ‘76 and, although mom and I were pretty close, I hadn’t had any kind of “real family” for years. I’d get up to see her around Christmas time but it was never a big holiday affair.

I’d drop in, bringing the girl with me, and we’d stay a day or two, usually around the holiday season but never on Christmas day itself.. that just never worked out. We’d bring her something — one year it was a puppy who ended up being with us for the next ten years — and she’d always have a little something for us.

Mom wasn’t about “fuss and bother,” as she called it. She’d do a bit of Christmas shopping and get it all sent off to distant relatives who seldom came to see her. Sometimes they’d send her something. I always brought mine in person.

In 1993, she joined my dad. We inherited the pup, Rufus, and proceeded to miss her terribly. We still do.

But I always had Camp Nelson.

The girl I married had told me about the place early on, back when we were just getting to know one another. She said she’d been raised there and that there was nothing closer to heaven-on-earth. Well, that sounded like a good place to get married, so that’s what we did. We tied the knot and vowed to be faithful before God and everyone else right there in a tiny little chapel that looked like something out of Little House on the Prairie, except there wasn’t a prairie for miles.. only gorgeous, breathtaking mountains.

A few months later, I was invited to spend the first (for me) of what would later become an annual tradition.. the Camp Nelson family Christmas trip.

Welcome to our cabin

You’ll find the place nestled among the Sierra-Nevada Mountains of California, in the Sequoia National Forest. You drive past the valley town of Porterville and hit the highway to the mountains, enduring an hour on a twisting, winding snake of a road that brings you into the former first world war encampment of Camp Nelson, now home to mostly retirees and mountain folk.

The town looks like Norman Rockwell and John Muir got together and designed it, after having first asked advice from Thomas Kinkade and Ansel Adams.

“Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in
where nature may heal and cheer and give strength to the body and soul.”

–John Muir

I remember that first Christmas visit well. I’d been there a few times by then, but the girl was right.. there was nothing like Christmas in Camp Nelson. A silent hush emanated from the snow, broken by the crunch of our footsteps as we stepped from our car after pulling into the little driveway in front of the cabin. If you stood still for just a few seconds, you could hear the trees breathe.

A cabin in the snow

Granddad Don knew a car had pulled up, so the front door flew open and there he stood, his curiosity satisfied once he saw that it was his “little brown-eyes” and her shiny new husband. He welcomed us in, and in we went.

We stayed for several days and, for that whole time, the welcome never wore out.

Others arrived and they too were ushered in with open arms. Aunts, uncles, cousins, friends.. they poured into the cabin and rendered it a sanctuary of acceptance and love. It was a place to forget the woes of the year, even though they were lightly discussed before dinner, but as if they had happened to someone else. We didn’t know worry and stress while we were there. There just wasn’t room for it.

Granddad Don would fix Grandma Peg a bit of holiday cheer in a glass, then she’d regale us with tales from the old days, about family and friends who’d long since passed. I didn’t know of those people, but that wasn’t a requisite for finding charm in her stories. Granddad would chime in and, as often happens with those who’ve been together for a lifetime, they’d spend a great deal of time discussing the finer points of things that may or may not have happened and how they happened, if they did happen at all, depending on who was doing the remembering.

Aunt Donna visited for a few of those Christmases. My girl’s maternal aunt, she was a gracious soul who’d busy herself with things to be done.. dinner preparation, dishes, a spot of cleaning, a little gift wrapping and then a nice nature walk among those majestic trees to cap it off. Her sister would occasionally accompany her on a stroll along the crunchy, snowy paths and they’d gab on endlessly as if they hadn’t seen each other in years.

It’s been years now since Donna herself was peacefully laid to rest under those majestic trees, after cancer had ferociously claimed her kind but fragile body. Her gracious, loving soul flew on and soared like an eagle. Today, as Christmas comes around once again, she patiently awaits the great reunion.

“Take your time,” she says, “there’s plenty yet for you all to do.”

I haven’t had many holiday visits up there in that mountain heaven, where John Denver, Andy Williams and Bing Crosby sang us Christmas tunes and the wispy smell of the fireplace warmed my spirit. But I’ll cherish what few I was invited to with a grateful heart. The time came when life in the mountains was proving to be too much for such hearty old souls as Don and Peg, particularly with the loss of Donna stinging so badly. Things would never be the same for them without her cheery and loving visits so they moved to the valley below, sadly leaving the glorious cabin to be an empty, lonely sentry of God’s creation. But although the memories are cherished, the place only plays a small part of it, since Christmas is really in the heart.

My girl and I have recently passed through a few tough years. A Camp Nelson Christmas has long been a thing of the past, and there have been Christmases spent solely with each other, wherever we have found ourselves. But this year some angels have seen to it that we get to do it once more, perhaps just for this Christmas or maybe a handful yet to come – only the one who wrote the book of life knows about such things.

A girl and her GrandmaHe’s the one who called Grandma Peg home earlier this year, so Granddad returned to the lonely cabin to wait out that great reunion in solitude. But he won’t be alone this Christmas, because we and a handful of others will be on hand to stoke the fireplace and the memories, to keep both from waning as the night goes on.

I’ll be offline for a few days. It’s a break from all of this, to find my soul once again and get back in touch with what’s important and meaningful.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and
HAPPY NEW YEAR to my readers!

Cherish 2010 and each other.

Cherish the now.

RhodesTer on Twitter/Facebook/Subscribe to this mess

Shop BowlingShirt.com for Father's Day and give dad some retro style!

{ 5 comments }

Happy Holidays and Pxlrph SM2lx, Gorf!

December 19, 2009
Thumbnail image for Happy Holidays and Pxlrph SM2lx, Gorf!

Christmas is coming, and it’s bringing Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and some other things right along with it, all in one big sleigh.

6 comments Read the REST..