Rhodester on the train platform in front of AT&T Park, a couple of hours before game #1 of the 2010 World Series gets underway

On a whim today, we decided to get on a train and take the half-mile trip to the area of AT&T Park here in San Francisco, because today the San Francisco Giants are facing off with the Texas Rangers in Game one of the 2010 World Series.

We’re not exactly big baseball fans, but we don’t have anything against it — we’ve just been too busy to pay much attention.

We last paid attention in 1984, and yes, we realize that was a really long time ago.

We lived in San Diego then, when the Padres won the National League Pennant and went to the World Series for the first time. We lived close to Jack Murphy Stadium (now Qualcomm Stadium) and we could see the lights and hear the roar of the crowd on game nights. We remember Steve Garvey hitting some kind of incredible fly ball that won something-or-other for the team during the pennant race.. oh, that was exciting!

We went in person to a few of those games at the nearby stadium while dating a girl who was a Padres fan, and endured the humiliation of her explaining the rules loudly as the game was played. But we liked her, so we continued to go.

We learned a lot, about the game AND her.

Nowadays these baseball teams have their own stadiums that they don’t have to share with football — the Giants have AT&T Park while the Padres play at Petco Park down there in San Diego. It’s all very commercial.

But the palpable excitement of an underdog team going all the way to the world series is something we’ve not forgotten since the Padres, and the fervor is the same here in San Francisco with the Giants, even if they DO have their very own billion-dollar ballpark. We understand that they’ve never won the series and haven’t made it all the way to the end very often, so there’s this feeling of electrifying hopefulness that permeates the city right now.

But if we were a true fan, we suppose, we’d be somewhere actually watching Game #1 of the series while clad in our own orange and black jersey, instead of sitting in a Starbucks a block away and blogging about it. But we’re doing this just because we can. We live in San Francisco now.. we can do a lot of things!

We came down here to check out the crowd, which is pretty much a sea of orange and black (the Giant’s colors) as far as the eye can see. Finding a place to sit and log-on has been the challenge you’d imagine it to be. We got a nice start at Panera Bread a few blocks from the stadium, but after finding that the wifi provider blocks the very blog you’re reading because they think it’s PORN (we KNOW, HUH?) we decided to move on.

Starbucks is never a favorite of ours, but the orange and black clad crowd has moved out now because the game has started, and the Starbucks wifi provider doesn’t block our porn site.

We seldom enjoy crowds, but this one has been entertaining..

• The multitude of men wearing cardboard signs that say “Need tickets!”
• The hobos who’ve managed to snag Giants jerseys and make themselves up in the team colors so as to make a killing in handouts as the crowd goes in.
• The man on the train earlier who shouted out to all of us, “Hey, why is this train so damn QUIET? We’re all going to the WORLD SERIES, people!” The train wasn’t quiet after that.. he got the result he was looking for.
• The cops, EVERYWHERE. Not only San Francisco PD, but agencies from all over the bay area here to help out, plus the train station near the stadium that’s thronged with officers from homeland security. We talked with one of them.. nice fellow. We were glad we didn’t bring our bomb, though.
• The Texas Rangers fan who entered the men’s room in his Rangers jersey.. brave fellow!
• Tiny babies clad in orange and black, whooping enthusiastically from their strollers as mommy and daddy push them along toward the ballpark.

Yes, we’re caught-up in the energy of it all. And now we’re actually watching the game, because the Starbucks manager came out and placed a huge widescreen TV on a platform and turned it on.

What in the hell are we doing BLOGGING?

GO GIANTS!

Rhodester's view from the Starbucks just outside AT&T Park as the 2010 World Series gets underway.

]]> http://rhodester.net/there-are-giants-among-us/feed 2 http://rhodester.net/monetizing-your-widgets-in-the-rain-with-george-clooney http://rhodester.net/monetizing-your-widgets-in-the-rain-with-george-clooney#comments Sat, 24 Jul 2010 23:10:00 +0000 David Rhodes http://rhodester.net/monetizing-your-widgets-in-the-rain-with-george-clooney

I have decided to take immediate action and do something about my visitor count.

This is because I’m still only getting like 20 hits a day, most of  which are from my wife, coffeesister, and my cat, shadow. They love me so they artificially inflate my visitor count when I’m in the bathroom after they’ve hidden the razor blades.

Therefore I’ve decided to model this blog after the ones out there that get the big hits, starting today.  I’m quite  serious about it and so as to not miss anything, I’ve decided not to just zero in on one tactic, but rather to use them all.

Here we go..

HOW TO INCREASE YOUR TRAFFIC THROUGH AD REVENUE WIDGETS

We all want more traffic, don’t we?  I mean the kind that visits your blog, not the kind you get stuck in on the way home.  AD REVENUE WIDGETS can help you get more traffic.  GOOGLE the term “AD REVENUE WIDGETS” and read what comes up – you’ll find all kinds of helpful advice on how to INCREASE YOUR TRAFFIC!

How, you ask?

Simple!  By using AD REVENUE WIDGETS!

Google the term and read what comes up and then USE THEM.  This will INCREASE YOUR TRAFFIC! Put them in your sidebar, and monetize your blog TODAY! That’s what AD REVENUE WIDGETS do!  They will monetize your sidebar by categorizing the fluctuation rhythm of the feedback loop, driving unprecedented amounts of traffic to your blog while at the same time MONETIZING IT!

It’s simple.. and safe.  So what are you waiting for?

Do it TODAY!

A SIMPLE TIP TO INCREASE PRODUCTIVITY IN COMPOSITIONAL
ANALYSIS OF THE FORMS ON THE LEFT SIDE BY THE MENU

The form is simple in itself.  THAT’S the key to remembering how to increase productivity.  Because, if you’re stuck in traffic under a bridge and your cell phone rings, and it’s the wife wondering where you are, well.. I don’t blame her.

Where ARE you?

DRIVING IN TRAFFIC TO NOWHERE.. if you’re not simplifying the compositional analysis!

So get out there and get it done.  It’s simple!

DON’T BE SLOW TO SEO

Have you gotten your SEO done yet?

SEO stands for Search Engine Orgasms, which every blog needs and every blog should have.

Keywords like “SEXY,” “COEDS” and “FRENCH” should be worked into posts about cooking oil and summers spent at that house down by the lake, where the loons are a’cryin.  If you haven’t gotten it done by now you just may never get to it and, as a result, you’ll never see your blog blossom into the mega-blog it’s meant to be!

So get to it.  NOW!

HOW TO COOK ON CAMP STOVES IN THE RAIN

Let’s say you’re camping, and it’s raining.

You’d be ill-advised to cook on any kind of apparatus OUTSIDE!

But let’s just say, for the sake of argument, that bears have snuck into your camping unit – be it a tent, RV or whatever – and they’ve locked you out so that they can consume all of the bacon inside.

Well, it looks as though you are NOT going to have bacon for dinner, my friend!

But that’s okay – you can still have trout, or baked beans – as long as you brought it outside before the bears came – and so it looks as though you’ll be cooking in the rain.

It’s simple!

1. Get a tarp.
2. Cover the fire pit.
3. Wait until it dries off.
4. Start a fire.
5. Cook your trout and/or baked beans.
6. If the bears finish the bacon and come back out..
7. ..run like hell.

photo by Kevin McShane on Flickr

HOW TO PLANT A BEAUTIFUL ROOFTOP GARDEN WHEN YOU
LIVE ON THE FIRST FLOOR OF AN APARTMENT BUILDING

Everyone loves gardens.

BEAUTIFUL gardens, on rooftops!

But we all have mean building superintendents and/or managers who won’t let us go up there and PLANT beautiful rooftop gardens.

Oh, what to DO?

First, it’s helpful if your building superintendent and/or manager is male – doesn’t matter if he’s married or not – just go out and get him the the best damn looking hooker you can find – spare no expense. Pay for about a day’s worth of action, because that’s how long it’s going to take you to get this done.

Send the hooker up to the building superintendent and/or manager’s office and once you hear the appropriate sounds, get to work.  Presumably, you did a little preliminary planning by visiting a nursery before scouting Craigslist for the right girl?

GOOD!

Now get up there and PLANT THAT GARDEN!

Petunias are best in high altitudes – say, over ten stories – and you’ll want to use a high grade topsoil for the roses and radishes (might as well make this as functional as it is beautiful.)

Most importantly, when you hear screaming noises coming from below, your building superintendent and/or manager is just finishing up.

CALL THE COPS!

Give them the apartment number where the action is taking place.  This will assure that your building superintendent and/or manager will go away for a spell, so your newly planted rooftop garden won’t be discovered and ripped out.

CONGRATULATIONS! Enjoy the beauty and the breath taking view of the roofs across the street from your very own Garden of Eden!

BRAD AND ANGELINA CALL IT QUITS!

Brangelina call it quits!

Film star BRAD PITT and his lovely film star wife ANGELINA JOLIE called it quits today on the set of their latest action film, “ASSASSIN IN THE RAIN.”

Confidential sources close to the elusive couple cited the reason for “calling it quits” was that every scene scheduled to be shot that day had been completed and the director of the film, Ron Sheldon, was overheard telling the couple, “See you both back here at six AM sharp.”

“BRANGELINA“, as they have been affectionately dubbed by the press, then “called it quits” and went home for the evening or perhaps out to rendezvous with another Hollywood mega-star couple, “TOMKAT“.

Ooooh, hey LOOK!  BEAUTIFUL, SEXY ACTRESSES AND MODELS!

Jessica Alba nearly NUDE at the beach!

Beautiful model with almost NOTHING ON!

Oooooh, and GEORGE CLOONEY!

George Clooney excited and erect!

Okay, that should do it..
Now I’ll just kick back and watch the bucks roll in.

Grandad enjoys negative comments at Head RamblesI suppose I should go ahead and mention Grandad on my blog, since he went and mentioned me.

He’s a feisty (Irish word that means drunk concerned) senior citizen who lives in a little village somewhere in Ireland.  There’s a pub there too, and a whole cast of colorful characters that frequent it.  He writes about all of them.

He also writes about noisy neighbors, tourists, squirrels and Guinness.  Thanks to him, I now know how to properly consume a Guinness should I ever visit a pub in an Irish village, which will probably be never, which is also thanks to him.

He scared the hell out of me.

Someday they’ll turn his accounts into a movie and cast as many Irish actors in it as they can – Colm Meany, Colin Farrell, Aidan Gillen, Pierce Brosnan and, of course, Peter O’Toole to play Grandad.

Turns out they have the internet in Ireland – even in those little villages – so he puts what he writes into a blog and publishes it for his friends, but thousands of other people see it too, and comment on it.  He pretends to be frustrated by all that exposure and notoriety but he’s not fooling anyone.

He’d pretend to be frustrated about this write-up too, and he’d definitely say I’d better not link him on my blogroll in the sidebar, but that’s just too bad.  I like what he has to say and I think you would too.

Lorna from Lorna In Wonderland visited his site and, in the comment section of this post, the following was said..

# Lorna on 23 Oct 2007 at 3:44 pm

I came over by way of Rhodester, who is a brilliant storyteller even though he never remembers the difference between “its” and “it’s”, and I’m gonna have to put you on my blogroll.

# Grandad IRELAND on 23 Oct 2007 at 4:07 pm

Its nice that you dropped by, Lorna. I misread your comment for a second – I thought you were going to put me on your blog roll. I’m glad that isn’t the case and I’m honoured.

You see, I’m onto him.  He’s doing what I did during the 8th grade dance.

I acted shy and stood against the wall, pretending to be too scared to get out on the dance floor.  Eventually a girl came up and asked me to have a go at it, and I turned her down.  Then a prettier girl came up and, after that, an even prettier one and so on, until they were all tugging at my shirt sleeve and pleading for me to dance with them.  Finally, that sexy little tart Robyn Setter came over and yanked me away, to drag me out onto the dance floor.

Okay I wasn’t pretending at first, I really didn’t know how to dance, and I was terrified of Robyn Setter. But Grandad knows how to dance and he’s just getting a royal kick out of all the pretty girls who are tugging on his shirt sleeve, wanting to put him on their blogrolls.

The more he says he doesn’t want it, the more he gets it. He’s had about 74,359 blog visitors this week alone, and I believe The Today Show is trying to get him on a plane to New York for an interview, but Ireland won’t let him leave because who’d keep them entertained?  He wouldn’t like New York City anyway because there are Americans there, albeit not a lot.

Be warned that if YOU’RE an American, and you decide to comment over at Grandad’s blog, wear protective eye wear and clothing.  You also might want to buy the house a round before you really say anything, just to get them all good and loose first.  And don’t talk sports or politics unless you really enjoy diving headfirst through pub windows.

Head Rambles

Oh MY, the auld fella went and wrote a book too!

Head Rambles: With Ireland’s Most Cantankerous Auld Fella

Free Spam!

Okay, so has anyone else who maintains a WordPress blog noticed a decided increase in the size of the average spam comments being trapped by Akismet?

WHOA THERE!

Where are you going, non-WordPress users? This will be of interest to you too! I’m sorry I said “Akismet”.. it’s not a big word, it’s just a WordPress filter that traps spammers and teases them until they cry like little school girls.

Here, let me help you out a bit so that you can understand what we’re talking about..

When a person – me, for instance -  has a blog on WordPress, they don’t need to use those little CAPTCHA things to keep spammers from commenting, like they do on Blogger.

You know.. it’s where you try to comment but you have to type in RFLYO first, or JKSTGV or NTBQP. I used to have a blog on there and I swore that if I ever had a child, which seems unlikely at this point but hey we have a black President, I was going to name it GLMGY if it was a boy or SBTRY if it was a girl.

But now that I run my blog on WordPress I can just name my child Akismet, which I believe would work for either a boy OR a girl, because that little filter is the saving grace of us all.

Here’s why..

On Blogger, when someone kindly stops by and graciously reads your blog and nicely decides to be wonderfully helpful by adding a beautiful comment, they have to work for it by typing in those previously mentioned potential children’s names, which doesn’t seem like it’d take much effort but if a person comments on, say, a whole bunch of Blogger blogs each day, well we’re talking about a whole half hour or so of extra typing that could be better spent actually making a child, if one is so inclined and equipped.

So basically you’re keeping your readers from having sex, which to me seems like a poor marketing plan.

On the other hand, readers of WordPress blogs have plenty of extra time to manufacture children because Akismet (the spam filter, not my future daughter) does all of the work for them.

It does this by actually letting the spammers leave their comments but it sort of holds them in a holding cell, like a tiny prison, until you come along and decide to either let them out to roam free across your blog (unlikely) or you strap the silver helmet on them and pull the switch, electrocuting them in an excruciatingly agonizing moment of pure joy and ecstasy (very likely, and a lot of fun).

There’s this thing you see when you log on to your WordPress account that’s called the “dashboard”, which is a lot like the dashboard in your car but instead of showing you your speed and oil temperature, it shows you how many people have visited your blog and what comments Akismet (again, the FILTER) has trapped in the tiny prison.

My whole point here is that lately these comments have gotten really big – so big that we may need to get a bigger prison – and of course, they still don’t make any sense.

Remember when spam comments that don’t make any sense were short and sweet? Actually, I still get those in my email, and I’m sure you do too. Here’s one I randomly pulled out of my email just now..

Serge lived there in smoke, that prop of the vrishni race (krishna), like that one over there. have you bought  dorothea’s whose knots made it strain and creak, a tremendous deities and pitris, the illustrious rishi narada.

Now here’s one that Akismet (FILTERRRR, dammit) was holding in my tiny dashboard prison today. I don’t recommend that you read the whole thing – just scan it, like you do my posts..

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Okay, you see?

It’s like a damn novel. I’m hereby coining a new internet term that with your help (Stumble, Digg, Tweet, etc.) is going to go viral.. I’m hereby dubbing this new spam format, the “SNOVEL.”

Here’s another one, and once again, just scan it like you do all blogs..

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Aren’t those wonderful? That second one even mentions Christina Ricci! And Prozac!

Personally, I think any film with Christina Ricci on Prozac has some real box office potential, especially with that bit about the scandal involving her father and the mortgage on the farm brought on by the two former workers who did time in prison. So, I’m going to get right on the script adaptation here, if I can manage to get the rights from the original author.

Ah.. let’s see, the author is..  “xhilymed“.

Geez, we’re back to that again.

Okay, never mind. I’m just going to write my own novel.

It’s going to be about Canadian generic prescription meds and the race to beat the clock before clowns eat all of the banana pudding. I’ll throw in a plot twist involving terrorists from Idaho and how they use shoe horns to eradicate the simple things that make it worthwhile to shop online for daisies using previously expired coupons.

Then I’ll adapt it all to a screenplay and cast Akismet (my daughter) in the lead (because Christina Ricci is “unavailable”) and direct it myself (because nobody else will).

You just wait.. it’ll be FNNN!

Actress Christina Ricci relaxes after enjoying a case of SPAM for lunch

The paragraph below was written by a professional journalist and copy/pasted directly from HERE.

Precision is key. If you carefully consider each word and each sentence, then you’ve put yourself in another realm as a writer. Precision helps you gain respect and legitimacy because is shows you’re taking your writing and reporting seriously, even if you’re writing humor. At the very least, consult a dictionary, thesaurus and grammar book. All the Web site flash and dazzle in the world won’t cover up poor writing riddled with spelling and grammar mistakes. Trust me: If there’s one typo, one spelling error, someone is going to call you stupid.

HAHAHA! Typos are sneaky little devils.
They like to get the best of the best of us.
But I won’t call her stupid.. that’s just mean.

I really tried to get into BLOG CATALOG.

I signed up and put this little widget in my sidebar that tells me when other Blog Catalog members come by for a visit.. most of the time.

I’ve had friends who I know for a FACT are on Blog Catalog, and they’ll leave a blog comment and not show up in the widget, prompting me to say, “Hey, why didn’t you show up in my widget?”

They’ll reply, “Hey, it’s because I wasn’t signed into Blog Catalog at the time.. not that I’m EVER going to sign in, because I really don’t use it that much.”

My thoughts exactly.

But you’d think that a person who goes around adding a lot of people as friends on Blog Catalog would be sure to be signed in when they do, yet I get added all the time and I’ll go check my sidebar widget and.. NOPE.. they didn’t show up.

So this means they either weren’t signed in (very unlikely) or they’re just adding friends willy nilly all over the place so they can have a zillion friends on there who they never talk to and who’s blogs they never visit (extremely likely).

I don’t think I care for that kind of “socialization”.

Let’s say I’m lonely.  I’m really not, because I have coffeesister and two fluffly little kitties to entertain me, but just for the sake of argument let’s say I AM lonely, so I go out to some social function where I can meet HOT BABES people.

I get there, and the room is simply CHOCK FULL of folks, all mingling around, shaking hands and conversing.  LOVELY!  I’m going to get to meet LOTS of new friends!  So, I do just that.. I go from one person to another, walking right up to them and grasping their hands firmly as I look them right in the eyes and say, “HI!  MY NAME IS RHODESTER!” Then I quickly move on to the next person, and the next.. and the next..

When I get home later that night I write in my diary, “Met lots of people.”

This is kind of how I feel about Blog Catalog.

So today, in a desperate bid to practice being social, I thought I’d actually choose one amongst the minions who added me as a friend in Blog Catalog without actually visiting my blog, and check that particular person out.

I decided to focus on the first notification to pop into my email, and it happened to be this guy..

Hello!  Grahito is now following you on Blog Catalog!
Click here to view Grahito’s profile.

I did that, and found out two things about Grahito.. he’s either 9 years old, or English is not his first language.  I think it’s the latter, because he has a happy tagline that he uses to tell you something about himself and “his country.”  Grahito’s happy tagline reads..

“My Country have many problem now, hope that this problem will over in the near future. Economic Crisis, Bomb, Eart Quake, Tsunami, flood, mud-flood and many others. God help us to stop this!”

“Well”, I thought, “this should certainly prove to be interesting!  Especially the Eart Quakes and flood.  Not to mention the mud-flood, which is different than your ordinary, run of the mill garden variety flood, no doubt because of all the mud involved.”

I thought all that, and then I saw the blogs he has available.  That’s right.. B-L-O-G-ZZZZ, because he has THREE, and good news!  …they’re all in ENGLISH!

This was a hopeful sign to me, because I was determined to not only become familiar with some NEW blogs, but to get an education.  I hoped like heck that the first blog would be ABOUT something.

GOOD NEWS!  The first blog focuses on a very special topic..

Adhesive Formula

http://adhesive-formula.blogspot.com

“This blog just collect the adhesive formulation and the tecnology
use to build the certain adhesive.”

Cool, huh?  I can’t even begin to tell you how exciting it is to add a blog about adhesive to my Google Reader.. I would put it right next to “Fruit Species,” which shows you a different picture of a piece of dissected fruit each day, but that’s just too much excitement.

The only think lacking on Grahito’s Adhesive Formula Blog is a “sticky post” haha!

On to Grahito’s next blog..

Animals World

http://animals-world-07.blogspot.com

“Find many animals and their behavior here.”

I was just wondering about the mating practices of the South American Koala Chimp.. I hope it’s in there.

Finally, there’s the last and third blog..

Indonesian Food and Forage

http://Indonesian-Food-Forage.blogspot.com

“This blog describe about many plant history and special used for,
Indonesian food and forage source and others about plant.”

I am so very, very depressed now, and you know why?  Because I have a hard time posting daily to a nonsensical “humor” blog and here’s Grahito, posting to not one, but THREE blogs about Indonesian food sources, Koala Monkey Sex and the bonding strength of adhesive #32 DESPITE a constant barrage of Tsunamis, floods AND mud-floods, not to mention Eart Quakes.

I should be totally and wholly ASHAMED of myself.

And you know what?  I am! I’m SO ashamed, that I’m going straight to Blog Catalog now to turn OFF those notifications, because it’s just too painful.

In more ways than one.