This is a brand new endeavor here at The RhodesTer Chronicles.

Now, we don’t want you to go thinking that RhodesTer needs money or anything, just because this is all affiliate advertising. The truth is, RhodesTer is selflessly looking out for YOU and YOUR best interests.

He just wants you to be happy.

So every week, starting today, he’s going to endeavor to show you things that will make you happy.

Like “Alien Golf Balls.”

And “Candy Animal Teeth.”

And even an “Exploding Toilet Seat.”

FUN!

Next week it might be ladies lingerie, which will make both you AND RhodesTer happy. And the week after that, a full selection of electronic cigarettes that are guaranteed to kill you less faster than regular cigarettes, plus they look cooler, last longer and will possibly help you pick up chicks.

But this week it’s stupid gifts from our stupid friends at Stupid.Com

We know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “How appropriate for this blog.”

Wise-acre!

Sure, RhodesTer will make a little cashola on the side if you order something from these links. But chances are he’s going to turn right around and spend it on his very own set of alien golf balls or candy animal teeth.

So go ahead – be adventurous and order some “Butt Soap” for your mom – we dare you!

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Check out lots more zany stuff from the wackadoodles at..

Today I turned fifty.

I’m not sure how that happened. I’m not sure where the years went.

Oh, I know.. I’m not old. Not by a long shot. At least subjectively, because coffeesister’s granddad is almost ninety and he calls me a “kid.” On the other hand, real kids – as in the MySpace Generation – think I’m older than dirt. It’s an interesting dichotomy; I’m right in-between “a cute guy” and “what a cute little old man.”

Speaking of coffeesister, today she’s doting on me like an old mother hen. This happens every June 9th. Then, when October 12th rolls around – which ironically happens to also be my mother’s birthday – she can’t lift a finger.

That’s how we roll. We roll for each other.

It works really well, too.

With all of this stuff I’m not allowed to do, I have a lot of time for reflection. I think back over the years and watch as the good times dance with the bad, making for a macabre sort of waltz that lays my life out in front of me, spinning, twirling and swaying until it comes to a grinding halt at my feet as if to say, “Now what?”

Now what? I’m not sure. I’d say that’s the problem, but is it? Man is God’s comic, making all those plans just to hear him laugh. Yes, that’s a paraphrase of a really good quote – but I not only agree with it, I’ve proven it.

When I was seventeen, it was a very good year. It was a very good year for small town girls and soft summer nights. We’d hide from the lights, on the village green.. when I was seventeen.

When I was seventeen I enlisted in the Navy. College was not an option, so I hoped for at least four years of education, travel and growth. I didn’t know what I’d become, but it had to be better than small town girls and soft summer nights. I wanted adventure. I got it.

When I was twenty-one, it was a very good year. It was a very good year for city girls who lived up the stair. With all  that perfumed hair, and it came undone.. when I was twenty-one.

When I was twenty-one I could hardly wait to get out of the Navy and man, it could not come soon enough! I’d be free again, to enjoy those small-town girls and soft summer nights. How I missed them.

When I was thirty-five, it was a very good year. It was a very good year for blue-blooded girls, of independent means. We’d ride in limousines, their chauffeurs would drive.. when I was thirty-five.

When I was thirty-five I had several careers behind me.. none of which seemed to pan out. But it wasn’t about career. It wasn’t about any one thing in particular. It was slowly becoming about life, and just living it.

But now the days grow short; Im in the autumn of the year. And now I think of my life as vintage wine, from fine old kegs. From the brim to the dregs, it poured sweet and clear. It was a very good year.

I’m not in the autumn yet. I’m enjoying the waning days of summer, as the cool breezes waft in. They smell delicious, and though I sometimes think of what my life was like in the spring, I know that the seasons have changed – not for the worse or for the better – they’ve just changed, and it’s up to me to make of them what I will.

For those of you in the early spring, take it from a late-summer man; it all flows madly by like a rushing stream. Memories of long ago are only an arm’s length away, right at your grasp, because they only happened yesterday. That bike ride, that first kiss, that time you went with them to that place and you all did that thing.. it all just happened yesterday, and tomorrow you will be ready to shuffle off that mortal coil. Knowing the fickle nature of fate as I do, I may shed mine today.. or in another fifty years.

A few years ago, an old friend of mine chided me by saying that he didn’t think I was where I’m supposed to be in life. He said that I hadn’t progressed enough, and that I needed to make up for lost time. In answer to that, let me take a quick inventory..

• A woman who loves me, and I love her – check.
• A place to live, with food in the pantry – check.
• Two little kitties who also love me – check.
• True friends, who don’t care whether I’m rich or poor – check.
• I’m fairly healthy – check.
• Air to breathe – check. Music to hear – check. Beauty to see – check.
• Broadband Internet Connection – check.

I’m afraid I have to disagree with my old friend. I’m doing okay, and I can’t even begin to tell you how wonderful the air smells as summer fades and the fall colors start to shine.

It’s a very good year.

“It was a very good year” was composed by
Evin Drake and recorded by Frank Sinatra

COMMENT of the day..
Hi Davy,
I hope the Dave 5.0 build is the best yet!
Cheers, Triana

She’s 40 today, that girl of mine.

The one I married. The one who married me.

Yeah, that one.

FORTY.

She was 20 when I met her.

TWENTY.

I remember her first legal drink.

It was her 21st birthday. We were with her grandparents, and they made a big deal of buying her a drink in a restaurant.

The waitress carded her, and everyone beamed that she passed the scrutiny and got her libation.

Never mind that she’d been an alcoholic at 15.

Now she’s 40.

She doesn’t get carded these days, but she doesn’t look 40.

I look 40.. maybe. On a good day.

She still looks like she’s 20..

..to me.

We’ve had 20 good years together.

God only knows if we’re in for 20 more.

I hope so.

I love you, birthday girl.

But I’m not buying this “FORTY” stuff, so..

I’ll need to see your ID please