Suddenly, There’s Like, A Book Or Something..

The glass is MORE than half-full, sort of..

Hey, guess what?

I have a book coming out soon.

It’s been a long time in planning and execution, but lately I’ve been plugging away more fervently than ever.

This is due to a couple of job prospects falling through, and the impending starvation and eviction that goes along with that territory.

The wolves are at the door, so to speak.

But being a glass-half-full kind of guy, I’m looking at it as though I’m not meant to work for those folks, but I am meant to get the darned book out and go from there.

So, once I’ve gulped down the remaining half of the glass and gotten this book finished, would you guys be interested in it? It’ll be a good read, I promise!

Here’s an excerpt..

“Suddenly,”

What do you think?

It turns out I have a lot of occasions of the use of the word “suddenly,” which I understand is not uncommon to most authors.

I already have approximately 52,000 words ready to go, so I just have to get rid of the excessive usage of “suddenly,” which will bring it down to like 43,000 words, and usage of the word “like,” which will trim another 5000 off of it, and I’m all set.

Then my ABOUT PAGE won’t say “the author of numerous books that haven’t been written yet,” but will instead say “the author of Those Pesky Alien Implants, which is available on Amazon, and numerous other books that haven’t been written yet.”

Yes, that’s what it’s called.. “Those Pesky Alien Implants.” This is because the first story is about the time my old pal Bryan and I were almost kidnapped by aliens and we probably had implants placed into us.

You see? It’s a fun read! Despite the fact that you’ve read that very account on this blog before, and other accounts of goofy things that have happened to me, which will also be in this book.

But it isn’t just a collection of posts from this blog. No sir, it’s much more! It will have a couple of things that haven’t been posted here, like the cover art and an ISBN code!

So keep an eye out for Those Pesky Alien Implants, coming soon! Or better yet just watch this blog, because I’ll certainly be letting everyone know once it’s out.

And then you can suddenly, like, you know..

Buy it.

Thank you.

PS.. Aw heck, okay.. here’s a real excerpt..

I was a tad concerned the chicken might poop on his lap, but I quietly reassured myself that he’s probably figured out a way to get past that, or else he just doesn’t mind.

Because the thing is –- and I speak as a person who’s had chickens, but not one who’s ever taken said chickens on a train –- that it’s really difficult to teach them not to poop, unlike a puppy or a kitten.

Not that those are easy, but at least one CAN teach a puppy to only go outdoors and a kitten to use a litter box, but with a chicken, or any kind of bird, really, you just kind of have a little random poop machine that discharges when it needs to without regard to where it is or who’s company it’s in.

A chicken would poop on the Pope’s hat if that’s where it happened to be at the moment, or on a park bench, a new Corvette, the roof of a Walmart, or in the cockpit of an F-18 Hornet. A chicken would even poop on Dorian without having read her blog first.

And to make it worse, birds (including chickens) don’t even poop easy little pellets that are simple to pick up, like rabbits do. They mix their poop and pee so it’s all runny like an egg, or like me following a night of too much beer chasing a plate of bad tamales.

Speaking of eggs, it occurred to me that the chicken might lay an egg on the guy’s lap, or the pretty blonde girl’s if it stepped over to hers. That would have been hilarious.

But the guy didn’t seem concerned about poop or eggs. He just went on telling the girl about how the chicken is his best friend, and she laughed and said, “Well, that’s cool!” while I looked around for the hidden camera. But really, why not, you know? A lot of people here in San Francisco have dogs and an almost equal amount have cats, and sometimes people have other things like rats, snakes, mice, parrots and turtles.

It’s just that, when out and about, you mostly see dogs. You don’t see cats a lot, given the nature of cats and how they dislike being walked on leashes, and you almost never see the rats, snakes, mice and turtles, although I did talk to a drunk guy at a bus stop one time who had a little snake wrapped around his wrist. He put it in his pocket when the bus came and he said, “I hope I remember it’s there and don’t sit on it like I did my last one.”

Yeah, that would suck for the snake.

You can’t really put a chicken in your pocket unless you’re a clown, in which case it’s your job to walk around with a chicken in your pocket, so the guy yesterday had it on his lap and because of that, I learned something poignant..

I learned not to judge someone’s choice of domesticated pet, even if that species of pet happens to be served in almost every restaurant in town.

Which reminds me of how I almost complimented the guy on his chicken, because I’m very complimentary that way, but considering my compliment was going to be “Wow, she looks delicious,” I’m glad now that I didn’t.