..but I had to throw away the icky chocolate cake the waiter brought. It was nice of him, but
embarrassing.. he brought cake and sang the Coco’s equivalent to “Happy Birthday” really loud – loud enough so that a table of men having some kind of meeting nearby joined in – and they tried to sing it too, but didn’t know the words because it wasn’t actually “Happy Birthday”. This is because that song is copyrighted, and some lucky bastard (or
bastardette) somewhere still gets royalties whenever it’s played, printed or sung. This is why Coco’s wont use it, because they don’t want to get sued by some lucky bastard or bastardette, and they definitely don’t want to have to notate each time one of their staff
sings it to a patron somewhere throughout the entire chain, and then send a monthly payment in.
I can’t say I blame them.
So they made up this alternative song, and I can’t remember the words exactly, mainly due to the men at the next table trying to make up their own words as it went along, but it included something about “the Coco’s crew” and “we wish YOU” and “birthday TOO”..
..really good stuff.
But, as clever as that is, I wish they’d find a different chocolate cake supplier, because I think this one lets motor oil drip into the batter when he’s not looking. I asked the waiter to box it up, explaining that I was WAY TOO FULL to even try to venture into something this rich and delicious right now, so he did. Then I threw the little Styrofoam
box of chocolate cake into the dumpster outside, hoping like hell a bum wouldn’t dig it out and eat it. I’d hate to be responsible for the death of an innocent bum.
I also hated the thought of telling the waiter the cake basically tasted like Michael Jordan’s underwear right after a game, and NO I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT WOULD TASTE LIKE BUT I HAVE IMAGINATION OKAY? I mean, he brought it with a little candle in it (thank you for thinking I’m younger than I really am, mister waiter, but ONE? I’m a little older than ONE) and it was free and he sang a weird song and a whole table full of guys sang a slightly altered version of the same song and damn, the whole thing was just.. SO.. TOUCHING!
But I didn’t cry. I came close, but I didn’t cry at all.
And yes, it was COCO’s.. that’s because it’s right out in front of our place, next to the dumpster with a piece of icky chocolate cake in it and an innocent bum camped out nearby, and we don’t have a car or anything right now to go to a BETTER restaurant.
But I don’t mind at all. It’s the company that counts.
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
Rene 06.10.08 at 12:22 pm
Yer insane, how can chocolate anything be that bad?
Happy Birthday friend! Best of luck in the coming year.
RhodesTer 06.10.08 at 1:27 pm
It was awful.. stale, and flavorless. I think it was several days old, like it was from the “free cake” or something, and they saved the real cake for people ordering dessert.
..and thanks.. the year is shaping up to be better than last, but that’s not a standard to measure against. Beating me for a month with dead porcupines would still be an improvement over all of LAST YEAR.
Scott 06.10.08 at 2:32 pm
How do you know? Have you ever been beaten with a dead porcupine?
Karen in Floriduh 06.10.08 at 4:20 pm
I hear-tell that motor oil in cake batter (in manageable amounts) actually helps to lubricate the elimination system, if you catch my drift.
Happy burpday, mon ami. Somone asked Dorian if you wear boxers or briefs, and she said, “Depends.”
RhodesTer 06.10.08 at 10:14 pm
Yes, but I don’t talk about it. It was a prickly situation I’d gotten myself into – there was a type of soup called “Mar-soup-ial” and the hillbilly thought I’d stolen it, but really I was just trying to get a taste.
RhodesTer 06.10.08 at 10:15 pm
How long have you been waiting to say that one? Have you just been sitting there waiting for my birthday to roll around?
RhodesTer 06.10.08 at 10:21 pm
Oh, turns out porcupines are NOT marsupials, so ignore that last joke.
no, really.. ignore it.
Lorie 06.11.08 at 5:24 am
Sooooooooooooo sorry I missed your birthday-I thought about it all last week and then it got here and Larry’s home on vacation and my week is all out of whack. So a belated happy bday!
Lorie
RhodesTer 06.11.08 at 9:30 am
Oh, hey.. don’t worry about it.. I almost missed it myself.
They give Larry a vacation? From what? Do you ever get one from him??
SwanShadow 06.13.08 at 9:45 pm
Happy belated birthday.
Oh, and Michael Jordan called. He wanted to know whose teeth marks these are in his underwear.
I had your back. I told him they were Cuba Gooding Jr.’s.