Just so you know, it’s not a lot of fun to move into an apartment that was formerly occupied by a drug dealer.
We moved in two weeks ago, and there have been no less than twenty people at the door, at all hours, looking for “John.” They always seem to be a little nervous while trying to be cool at the same time.
I tell them that “John” no longer lives here and I don’t know where he went. I do know that he was evicted for dealing drugs, but I don’t tell them that.
It hasn’t been too bad – most of them have come along in the afternoon or evening – but the other night there was a guy at one-thirty in the morning, followed by another guy at four.
I got a little mad at the 4:00am guy. I know it wasn’t his fault – John had moved without notifying his clients and all the poor guy wanted was a bag of weed or meth or whatever it was John sold – so I felt kind of bad going off on him.
He scurried away into the night and I just stayed up – no use going back to bed after all that excitement.
Someone suggested that I might be missing a “prime marketing opportunity.” They said that I should set up a bowl of candy bars like it was Halloween, and sell them to the people looking for John. It seems that if they’re in need of some kind of fix, that they’ll settle for a sugar rush until they can locate him. I could mark the candy bars up about a thousand percent and make a really good profit. They most certainly all have cash in their pockets – it’s doubtful that John took checks or credit cards.
I thought it over but decided it’d probably not be a good idea to have that many candy bars lying around. I’m weak.. I’d consume the entire investment and the drug addicts would have this really fat guy answering the door, which doesn’t necessarily mean anything but I still don’t want to be a really fat guy.
A couple of days ago a hot chick knocked on the door at about two in the afternoon. There were a few differences between her and the others, starting with the fact that the others are all guys. They also seem to be kind of scruffy, whereas she was dressed well. They all looked surprised when I answered and they asked for John, but she didn’t look surprised and she asked me if I WAS John, which leads me to believe that they all knew what he looked like and she didn’t.
I just told all the dudes that he’d moved, but with her I said that he’d moved and she should go to the office to try and get more information. I went to get the mail later and popped in to ask the property manager if a young lady had been asking for the former tenant, and my suspicion turned out to be true – she was a cop.
I’m getting old – she looked about 18 to me, but she was a narco detective. Well, maybe one CAN be a narco detective at 18, if one is a hot chick.
I wish I’d had a candy bar to offer her.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow, what a story! Completely bizarre to have to wake up in the wee hours of the morning. John should have at least posted to his Twitter feed to where he was moving next……
Barbara Ling, Virtual Coach´s last blog ..Easily Save Your Loved Ones From Being Horribly Scammed – Covert Angel Time!
I don’t think drug dealers are big on the whole social-networking thing. Just a hunch
We turned out last year to have some drug dealers living right across the street from us, which we were totally unaware of until what appeared to be the entire police force descended upon their lawn last 4th of July. Fortunately no former “clients” came to our door, but we did notice some peering forlornly into all the windows.
Jenny Ryan´s last blog ..Yet Another Reason We Have Cats, And Not Children
HAHA.. I used to live next door to Superman, and although I didn’t mention it in this post – http://rhodester.net/confessions-of-a-superhero – he sold weed. It was a bit surreal.