We’re sorry, but this post is not about beer and strippers.
Okay maybe a little bit, but it’s really more about things that smell like beer and strippers.
You see, Rhodester went a little nuts late last week and added a handful of affiliates to this blog, and then he started referring to himself in the third person.
All sure signs of mental illness.
But evidently it’s a FUN and CRAZY mental illness, as evidenced by some of the wacky affiliates that he added, like HOTWICKS, LLC., which is an outfit that manufactures candles that smell like strippers.
No, really! Look!
They also make candles that smell like beer..
Now, most of us know what beer smells like, but if you’re anything like Rhodester then you haven’t a clue what strippers smell like even though you’ve been around them before and happen to have a friend who became one.
Her name was Barbara, but everyone called her “Muskie” because her last name was Muskovich, which is Ukranian or Serbian or something, and you’d think that “Muskie” would have something to do with how she smelled which sure would tie-in nicely with this whole story, but unfortunately it didn’t have anything to do with how she smelled, which Rhodester can’t remember because it was about 25 years ago, so all he can remember is that she always smelled good.
Also, neither “Barbara” nor “Muskie” are good stripper names, so when he met up with her years later and found out she’d become a stripper, her name was now “Ashley,” which is the name every stripper in America is supposed to go by if “Candy,” “Desiree” and “Sparkles” are already taken by other strippers who got there first.
By the time Rhodester ran into her, and NO it wasn’t in a strip-joint in San Diego a few years ago and NO we’re NOT lying, it’d been a long time since he’d seen her and she was about 40 by then which is a little long-in-the-tooth for a stripper, but her teeth looked fine to Rhodester, right along with everything else.
Man, you should have seen her when she was 22!
But we digress.
The thing is, Rhodester can’t remember what she smelled like as a stripper even though it was only a few years ago, so he’s tempted to order one of those stripper candles for himself to see if it will jog his memory because coffeesister made him delete Barbara/Muskie/Ashley’s phone number from his cell phone after he got back from San Diego.
Speaking of coffeesister, look what else the crazy candle-making cats at HOTWICKS, LLC. have to offer..
And if you’re in the mood for a campfire but they don’t allow that sort of thing in your Manhattan Penthouse Apartment or your prison cell..
We may not be too certain what strippers smell like but we can probably all agree that coffee, campfires and beer smell pretty good.
But what about..
Do we REALLY want a candle that smells like hippies?
Possibly, because we’ve known more hippies than strippers, so we really, really hope it smells like incense and marijuana. That would actually be kind of cool, as long as you don’t have one lit while driving in the car just before getting pulled over..
“But officer, it’s just a candle!”
No, you’d probably be better off having one of the other candles if you MUST have a candle lit while driving. We’d think the new car smell candle would be the most appropriate, but if you’re really creative you can drive along in a car that smells like bacon, fresh bread, mouthwash, dryer sheets, pancakes, pizza or urinal cakes.
Yes.. urinal cakes.
But we’d also avoid the one that smells like whiskey.
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P.S. - Rhodester feels this overwhelming need to come clean and admit that yes, he WAS in San Diego a few years ago on a business trip and yes, he DID go into a strip-joint, but it was only to rescue a small puppy who ran into the place ahead of him after being chased by gang-members with chains and knives who were going to eat it.
The puppy ran straight into the open arms of Rhodester’s old friend, Muskie, who was now a stripper and Rhodester didn’t look or anything, but he let Muskie keep the puppy and if there’s anything he sincerely regrets from the whole incident, it’s the fact that the crazy candle-making cats at HOTWICKS, LLC. don’t seem to have a new puppy smell candle.
RhodesTer on Twitter/Facebook/Subscribe to this mess
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Well lighting something on fire to get a puppy smell would be kind of odd. (Not that lighting something on fire to get a hippie or stripper smell isn’t.)
You know what blog you’ve wandered onto, right?