A word to the wise..

November 2, 2010

in Humor/Satire,San Francisco

World Champs!1. We recommend.. that should a person find him or herself in San Francisco on any given day of the World Series where the San Francisco Giants are playing, and that if there’s a big Jumbotron TV set-up in Civic Center plaza that will be broadcasting the game because it could be a “deciding game” for the Giants, meaning that if they win it then they win the whole damn series, we recommend that the person get to the Civic Center plaza early, like a couple of hours or more before the event, lest the person find themselves standing in front of a tree and viewing the Jumbotron through a couple of other trees while people get in line in front of him or her because a vendor set up a hotdog cart right next to the tree after the person arrived and staked out the tree spot because there was simply nowhere else to stand, let alone sit, by the time the national anthem was being sung by Charlie Pride, so people who got in line to buy hotdogs kept asking “are you in line?” to the person because he/she appeared to be in line when really he/she was just trying to watch the fucking game and was there ten minutes before the damn hotdog vendor, so he/she finally gave up after the second inning and went to The Coffee Bean downtown, where the game wasn’t on but he/she was too broke to go to a bar and purchase beer to rent a barstool to watch the game while knowing at the same time that Naomi, aka “The Ebony Princess,” would be the shift-lead and would help him/her out on a cup of coffee while he/she followed the game, sort of, on the Internet because he/she doesn’t have a TV in his/her cheap-ass hotel room to watch the damn game in the first place.

2. We recommend.. that should a person be at a The Coffee Bean on Market Street in San Francisco on an evening that the San Francisco Giants are playing a “deciding game” in the World Series and then win the damn game, meaning that they just won the World Series, that the person not even THINK about walking the five blocks from Powell Street to Civic Center via Market Street to get back to his/her hotel for at least three to five (possibly even six) hours after the game ends, because the crowd on Market Street will be such that the person could head South but possibly find him or herself being carried North to The Ferry Building against his or her will by the sheer force of the happy, cheering crowd as they shout repeatedly, “let’s go Giants, LET’S GO!” and all the while the person is thinking, “wouldn’t ‘way to go Giants, WAY TO GO!’ be a better chant if they’ve already won and it’s all said and done now?” because, really, there’s nowhere to go from here because they went all the way, which is what all the damn fuss is about in the first place.

3. We recommend.. that should a person occupy a hotel room that faces Market Street in San Francisco and is in the proximity of Civic Center and it’s getting to be rather late on a night that The San Francisco Giants have won the World Series, and the person has fought a long, weary battle against an insane mob just to get back, that the person just resign him/herself to the fact that sleep is just not going to happen, not for the entire night, and that car horns are his/her friends rather than something to be angry about, and that people are just happy, that’s all, and that if one turns up the volume on the show one is watching on his/her laptop because he/she doesn’t have a TV in his/her cheap-ass hotel room it will help to partially, but not entirely, drown-out the cacophony that is a city celebrating a sporting event at all hours of the freakin’ night.

Riding ON a bus

Tell the WORLD..
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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Gary Denault November 2, 2010 at 2:18 pm

Wow so that’s what it feels like.

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2 RhodesTer November 3, 2010 at 6:21 pm

What, Gary? Winning the series? Standing in front of a tree? Being pushed back by a surging crowd? Being kept up all night by car horns?

What?

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3 RhodesTer November 3, 2010 at 6:21 pm

For the record, do the first one and all the others fall into place.

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