Chuck Bowser, a 27-year-old employee of “Stan’s Git N’ Go” on Hwy 125 at the Franklin exit, admits to watching the popular television series Heroes only for the occasional glimpse of actress Hayden Panettiere.
“Man, she’s a cute little thing!” exclaimed Bowser as he kicked his shoes off and settled onto the sofa with a can of Budweiser and bag of pretzels. “She’s like one of them little blow-up dolls you find in sex shops, you know? Only I ain’t never been in one, I just, uh.. seen ‘em on TV and stuff. Anyways.. what’s her real name? Hayden? What kind of chick name is that? Whatever man.. she’s just like one of them things come to life, you know?”
Bowser took a long drink from the can of beer before wiping his mouth on his sleeve and continuing.
“It’s like that story about the little puppet, Pinnochio, where he wants to be a real boy. I remember mama readin’ that to me when I was little. Well sir, if I was to make a movie about one of them dolls gettin’ tired of them pervs droolin’ all over her and all she wants is to be a real girl, I’d have Claire.. I mean this Hayden chick.. be the actress in it who plays the real girl after the fairy godmother grants her the wish and stuff.”
Actress Hayden Panettiere, left, closely resembles a common inflatable sex-doll
When asked what else he enjoyed about the television series, Bowser was hard-pressed to come up with an answer.
“I dunno, it’s all kind of hard to follow with this time travel shit and everyone’s back and forth and trying to do this, get that, go there and get this person before they do something and it’s just too much to keep up with, so I kind of zone out until Claire comes on.”
Surprisingly, Bowser did express affinity for another character in the show.
“That dude who’s the new Spock.. man, he kicks ass! I didn’t even know he was gonna be the new Spock until Jake and Ted and me all went to Bedford to see the new Star Trek movie and DAYUM, there he was and we were laughing to beat shit, man! He’s a mean bastard in Heroes but he KICKS ASS as mister Spock. And dude,when he made out with that black chick we were all, YEAH BROTHER, HAHA!”
Bowser dipped into the pretzel bag and washed down a brief snack with a few more swallows of Budweiser before expounding on the quality production techniques that set Heroes apart from similar prime-time television shows.
“The special effects shit in Heroes is pretty cool when someone runs real fast or when they go back and forth in time and all that.”
Bowser then proceeded to explain his interest in Panettiere with greater detail, but we grew restless and left.
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